Validation

THIS IS IT

2010-06-11T09:16:00.001-07:00

This is it.

Last night, I graduated from TCC's Diagnostic Medical Sonography program. My soul was quiet and pensive all day long leading up to the ceremony. Flashes of memories throughout these four years of schooling kept coming up in my mind. Its hard to formulate the words for how full my heart feels. Full of gratitude to God for seeing me through each and every milestone along the way. Every assignment, every test, every scan, every difficult situation, every success. He was there. He allowed me to begin this endeavor and He has allowed me to finish it.

Praise Him.

All glory to Him.

Today I give all credit to the One who loves me. The One who knew the dream of my heart and let me fulfill it. Thank you, Lord.

Thank you.

My family gave me some diamond earrings before we left for the ceremony.

Joe and I before the ceremony. I couldn't have done this without him. He took over the household so that I could focus on my studies. I love you, honey.

My family. I am grateful for all of their support and patience during this time.

Me waiting to hear my name called and walk across the stage.

Thank you, ma'am!

My husband, my greatest supporter.

The Adriatic Grill opened their dining room just for us so we could celebrate after graduation.

Amanda, David, Melanie, Jordan, Ben, Bill, Sharon and Me

Man, Its Been Awhile

2010-04-14T17:49:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile since I have posted anything! I guess that goes to show how BUSY I am. I have about 8.5 weeks left in my ultrasound program! SO EXCITED! Maybe when I have more time, I'll start blogging again.......

Being Busy

2009-12-30T10:03:00.001-08:00

I wonder. Is being busy good or bad?

I've noticed that my thoughts are returning to thinking about church again, and I think its because I am on vacation. I thought I wasn't thinking about it very much because I am SO over it. Apparently not. I think I was just too busy doing other things to think about it.

Also, apparently I have also been too busy to fight with my husband. Because we did a little of that on our Christmas break. Good times. :) We made up, though. Also good times.

I have also been so busy with other things that I haven't made very many cards. I DID make all my Christmas cards this year, but in stages. The other day I made a beautiful card, and it was wonderful. Its such a great re-creational thing for me to do.

Now that I am semi-used to working full-time, I am feeling the need to get more organized. (I usually do this before a new year starts, by the way). I am usually SO tired by the time I get home from work, all I can do is veg out until the glorious time when I can put Ben to bed so I can go to bed. However, I think that my new clinical sites might not demand so much out of me and I might just have a little bit more energy when I get home. In that case, I need a plan.

I need an exercise plan and a dinner menu plan. I've never been good at the exercise thing, but I have been good at the dinner plan thing. The difference now, is that I rely on Joe for help in the dinner plan arena. I used to do a two-week dinner menu plan, but now I think I might do it week by week, so its easier. I want to get all the ingredients for a week's worth of dinners, and have a designated day for each meal. Then, Joe and I can coordinate on how those meals will be made. Sometimes, he has the mornings free to prepare a crockpot meal, or just cook up a meal to heat later. Other times, he works overtime and doesn't have a chance to do that. He's just been taking on a lot of the household shopping, while trying to provide most of the dinner meals during my first year of my ultrasound program because I was studying EVERY waking hour. Now that I am in clinicals, I can do more. Plus, he's not even home during dinnertime most nights. And, I want to so the kids and I don't resort to cereal so often. :) All in all, this is going to take a little coordinating. Since I'm on vacation, I can figure all of this out.

The exercise plan - I really don't know. It seems like the last thing I want to do when I get home. But, now I have equipment at home I can use: elliptical, resistance bands and an exercise ball. I don't need to go a gym, which is helpful. But, I don't think I can take an hour. Perhaps if I take a half hour, and choose either cardio or toning? Hmm..its a good place to start.

There's something about organization that takes the whirlwind out of busy. It actually helps me feel peaceful in the midst of a lot of activity. When things are running smoothly, it feels good. So, while I'm not BUSY, I need to make some plans!

Is It Possible?

2009-12-28T15:20:00.000-08:00

Years ago in San Diego, I experienced church community in a very deep and meaningful way. Our group of friends was so special to us. We just enjoyed being around them - included and important. Hanging out with them was fulfilling on a deep level for me. Sharing the holidays with them and their families filled a void in my soul. Giving and receiving. Celebrating and grieving. Playing and praying. It was one of the best times in my life.

Then, we moved.

I started looking for my new family. Didn't find it right away. Then, we started going to a church where I thought I could find it again. Spent almost five years waiting for it to happen, but it didn't. I "checked all the boxes": joined small groups, served, etc. Served, served, served, served. Oh yeah - did I say serve? This is also the place where I got burned as well as experienced a major burn out. Duh.

It's been about four years since that happened.

I feel like I have healed from that experience, but I am at a place where I don't really trust church to be my family anymore. In fact, I don't trust church that much. I question everything that's done (at my current church, that is). Sometimes it seems like one big, giant club. I could walk in and out every week, and no one would know the difference because its so big. I don't have any friends there. I do enjoy it when I go. I love good music and I like what my pastor has to say most of the time. My teenagers love the youth services, and that's really the main reason I go there. My younger son loves the three story play structure. OK. I tried a couple of womens' Bible studies where several hundred women watched a video and then broke up into smaller groups for discussion and prayer. I couldn't handle the direction of some of the conversations, so I just started coming for the video and then leaving. Nobody called to ask why.

I hear my pastor say that he wants people to come to know Christ, experience healing/wholeness so they can turn around and offer the same thing to others. He says he wants to reach our community. That sounds great to me. I also hear that he has his eye on a bigger property so we can build a bigger church. Really? Do we need a bigger one? Can't we just birth more smaller ones? Why is bigger better? Does it really mean more people have gotten saved and are now coming to church, or has the club just gotten bigger?

I know how I sound. If only you could hear all of the thoughts in my head.

Lately though, I long for the group of friends that enjoys being with each other so much - like I had before. I want to enjoy people, pray for them, meet their needs, feel a strong sense of belonging. I'm thinking that doesn't necessarily have to be found in church. In fact, I've been noticing lately, that real ministry truly happens outside the church. I minister God's love and compassion to so many hurting people at the hospital where I work. Its amazing. I read my Bible and pray before I go into work, asking God to use me. He does. And, its not even churchy.

Is it possible for me to experience people like this again? Someone once told me that it was just a season in my life. But, I'm really thinking that it should be all the time that you have Christian people you love and enjoy in your life. I need a Christian family. I need this.

Family Pictures!

2009-12-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

AWANA Western Night

2009-09-17T09:31:00.000-07:00

Ben started his third year in AWANA last night. This year he is a T 'n' T kid! I'm so proud of him and how he loves the Lord. He is so good at memorizing his verses - its amazing! He loves game time, too. I'm so happy he is part of AWANA!

His outfit consisted of my cowboy boots, Joe's belt and buckle and Melanie's bandanna. I think he looked pretty sharp! Ben is never afraid to dress up for the theme nights at AWANA. Yesterday, he paraded around in the front yard for his friends. When they asked him why he was dressed like a cowboy, he said "its for AWANA!"

Back At It

2009-09-08T19:06:00.000-07:00

I went back to work at my clinical site today. (My daughter says I can't call it "work" since I don't get paid, but let me tell ya, I DO work!) It has been a few weeks since I have been there, and I was a little nervous about going back, knowing I would be a little "rusty." All in all, it was a good day. I got to spend most of the day over at the "inpatient" ultrasound department of the hospital. The outpatient side is more like a clinic, where the inpatient side is more like what you imagine a hospital to be - with sick people and ER patients. Anyway, I had the opportunity to assist with some invasive procedures, such as thoracentesis (draining of the lung spaces). I had some sweet, older patients today and I just enjoy them. Its sad to see them so frail and not feeling well. They love it when I get them the heated blankets and get them all warm and cozy. :) Today, I was thinking that I could just get people warm blankies all day and be happy. Well, I would probably want to scan them too. :) I love what I'm doing!

Opinions

2009-09-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

Why is it, when you state an opinion, do others find it necessary to take it upon themselves to "correct" you? Why do we get offended by the opinions of others if it is an opinion we don't share? Why do we need to comment on the opinions of others at all? Can't we just say: "hmmmm...." or "that's an interesting point of view...." or "I don't share that opinion, but it is something to think about...."

Just wondering.....

I found some quotes on opinions that I particularly liked....

Your opinion is your opinion, your perception is your perception--do not confuse them with "facts" or "truth". Wars have been fought and millions have been killed because of the inability of men to understand the idea that EVERYBODY has a different viewpoint.
-JOHN MOORE, Quotations for Martial Artists

It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.
-Albert Einstein

Realization

2009-09-01T08:38:00.000-07:00

I was driving in the car the other day, and I sort of realized that I am a working mom now. I mean, I know I've been going to school and beginning my full-time clinical rotations, but as I am approaching the end of my summer break, I realize that this is my last long vacation at home like this. I start my next rotation soon, which ends in June. After that, I will become employed.

After being at home for 15 years before I started this new college adventure, this is kind of a big realization for me. I'm going to be one of those moms now.

Even though I have always been a proponent for staying at home, I've never really been critical of moms who work outside the home. I think staying at home is awesome, but I don't think its what every woman should do. Some say the Bible states that women "should" do this, and have taken a couple of verses and turned them into huge homemaking theologies (I would go so far as saying "religions"). Some even say that a woman's only role is to be a wife and a mother and that's it. I don't think that's what the Bible says.

I'm happy that I chose to stay home during my kids' youngest years. I feel very happy that my kids have never been in daycare, nor will they ever go to daycare. I'm their mom and I want to raise them. But now that they are all in school full-time, I am excited to explore the God-given interests and abilities I have been gifted with.

When I began this college endeavor, I asked the Lord to guide me and protect me from going in a direction that He wouldn't want me to go in. I asked Him to close the doors if this isn't the best for me and my family. Every step of the way, the Lord has given me success. The classes I have attempted have been beyond my imagination that I would even pass, much less get an "A." But, the Lord granted me success - even "A's." Every test, I have given to Him. Every class, I have given to Him - waiting to see if He would not allow me to move forward. But, He has allowed me to be where I am today. I give him the glory and credit for it all.

I believe God gave me the love for medical things, for human anatomy, an analytical mind, a desire to heal. I believe He gave me my personality and abilities to be a ministry to others. I believe my new job is going to be a ministry - no job is more sacred than another - everything we do is to be done "for the glory of God."

God also made me a mother. Staying home when I did was the best thing for my children. It was something my husband and I never had to discuss - we knew it was what we were going to do. Yet, we also knew that I had dreams and gifts God had given me, and at the right time, I would develop those. Now is the time, and by His grace, God has allowed it.

I look forward to what I'm going to be doing, not to mention the paychecks that will allow me to supplement our family life. I also think about how I could give to others in need. I especially am excited to help my children go to college and fulfill their God-given dreams. I will celebrate them pursuing the desires of their heart, since God put those desires there. They may not become spouses or parents, but if God has those things planned for their life, I will celebrate that, too.

I don't believe there is a formula for the role a mother, a wife (or a Christian, for that matter) that everyone should follow. I believe in the greatest commandments: "Love the Lord God with all your heart, with all of your soul and with all of your mind." And, "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22). I think when we live out these commandments with the unique personalities and gifts God has given us, life is special and exciting.

Whatcha Readin'?

2009-08-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

I usually have a pile of books next to my bed or in my nightstand. Lately, it has been ultrasound or anatomy books. But, since I'm off from school for a few weeks, I got a couple of new books that are not ultrasound related.

1. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazerro
2. Crazy Love, by Francis Chan

I started both books at the same time, and then decided I should stick to just one. Its hard for me, because I just want to race through them and devour them. But, I know that when I read too fast, I don't absorb what I should. So, I'm trying to get the most out of them by taking it slow.

Anyway, both of these books are Christian books about relationship with God. I felt drawn to these books because I am feeling the need to start afresh in a way with the Lord. Since my burnout experience almost three years ago, I have not served in the church on a regular basis. I volunteered twice in a small capacity, but that's it. I have needed healing, for one thing. I have also needed to just step back and look at the church, church people and God from a different perspective.

I have wanted an authentic relationship with God. Anytime I feel like I "should" have time with God, I don't do it. I have, in a way, resisted anything that is a "should" or a "check the boxes" kind of relationship with God. I have resisted doing anything, in which I started feeling like I'm a "good Christian" for, or feel some sort of obligation to do. I don't want that crap anymore. I just want Jesus. I want anything I do decide to do, to come out of what He and I have together.

Lately, and through the book I am reading, I am wanting to have alone time in quiet with the Lord. More contemplative. More just listening to Him. I think I do a lot of talking to Him, requesting, sharing, etc., and not enough listening. I also just want to be with him. And not because I should feel good about myself for having my "quiet time" on a regular basis because that's what I'm supposed to do. But, because I really want to be with Him.

So, that's what I'm reading. What are you reading?

I Would Really Like To...

2009-08-02T12:36:00.000-07:00

I would really like to....

go kayaking....
get a haircut...
move...
be done with school...
go back in time and hold each of my kids when they were babies...
make some cards...
see Jesus...
lose 10 pounds...
get two kittens...
spend more time developing a good friendship...
be in menopause...
get into a really good book...
feel confident at my clinical site...

What would you really like to do?

Nailed It

2009-07-25T15:06:00.001-07:00

I passed my first ultrasound credentialing milestone: I passed the Physics Registry exam! YAHOO!!

Wow

2009-07-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

Wow. I'm half-way through my first quarter of full-time clinicals. My site instructor came and observed me scanning, and I passed my evaluation. YES! I also had my first "seminar," which is a day set aside for all the classmates to come together, share stories from our sites and present cases. I presented a pelvic case on Adenomyosis, and got 50 out of 50! Can I get another "YES!"

I have learned so much and come so far in these four weeks. So many things that I have learned in class make so much more sense to me now. My skills have have grown each day, and now I can pretty much perform a full pelvic exam, both transabdominally and transvaginally. Yes, I do that. I can also pretty much perform a full renal exam as well (we look at aorta, kidneys, bladder...). I am getting there with my full abdomen exams. I'm still slow, which is to be expected, but I am learning how to sweep through organs, and train my eye to notice the abnormal, subtle things. I can do a first trimester OB exam both transabdominally and transvaginally, evaluating mom's anatomy as well as measuring the the embryo and gestational sac. It makes my day when I see that little heart rate, and see that everything is OK. Its pretty sad when its the opposite.....

I have learned two types of ultrasound machines, and am getting more proficient in the knobology of each of those. I have learned the department's "system" of records management for each patient, as well as the computer programs they use and how to enter patient information and look up records. I also present cases to the radiologists (our site calls them on the phone). Some of the radiologists love to teach me things, and I appreciate them so much. The other sonographers are awesome at teaching me as well, and I am grateful to them as they are not obligated to take on a student, but they do and it adds extra work for them. They provide me with excellent feedback and nuggets of wisdom every day.

I know my way around the hospital for the most part, and have started to spend time in the inpatient ultrasound department. It is there that they see ER patients and perform procedures such as biopsies, thoracentesis and paracentesis (draining chest and abdomen fluid). I have seen and assisted in a couple of procedures. I have also gone on a couple of "portables" ultrasounds, where the sonographer takes the machine upstairs to ICU, etc. to perform exams. That's been very sad to see how sick some of these patients are, but also how wonderful some of these people are to meet.

That's probably the best part during the day, is meeting all of the different kinds of people. Some I remember vividly. Some are super annoying. Some are quite large. Some are quite young (always amazing when they're pregnant). Some are rude. Some are incredibly interesting. Some are very funny. Some are very dense. Some don't have much time to live. Some ask lots of questions. Some love to learn. Some hardly say a word. Some are holding back tears. Some are in pain. Some are very old. Some don't speak English. Some have interpreters. Some are beautiful scans, and you can see all of their anatomy. Others, you put the transducer down and you can't see a THING. Life is a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get.

Some days I feel like a complete doofus. Other days, I feel like a rock star. It is up and down like this constantly, which is difficult for me. I would like to start feeling confident, but I don't know if that is ever going to come. Some days I make dumb mistakes. Other days, I'm feeling quite smart. Some days I say stupid stuff. Other days, I sound intelligent. I really don't like all of this insecurity that I'm feeling, and I'm hoping this goes away with more experience. Its definitely keeping me humble, and that I hope I don't lose. I desperately want to be good at what I do, so its hard to have these up and down days of doing well and not doing well. It is seriously like a roller coaster. I suppose it is all progress. Typing this today, has made me realize how far I really have come. Yet, I know how far I have to go!!

Yesterday, I took Melanie practice driving. I was relating to her process of learning to drive to my learning sonography. Everything is new, and each time out for a drive, a small tidbit is learned. For each practice, the tidbits add up until finally you know how to drive. Even so, the skills are continuing to be perfected even years later. Pretty soon, the driving comes naturally and it becomes automatic. I'm thinking this is how it is with me and ultrasound.

Things I Learned about Parenting A High School Senior

2009-07-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

So, I was thinking about how much effort went into parenting Amanda during her senior year, and I thought I would share some of the things I learned. There were many things I didn't expect, and wished someone had told me, so hopefully this will be helpful to someone else!

I learned....

1. A lot of money goes out for senior year stuff. All I can say is: save money for the senior year. For example: announcements, postage, cap/gown stuff, tickets to graduation ceremony, senior pictures, gifts for other seniors, college application fees, prom, accumulating items for the future dorm like bedding and laptop, etc., etc.....

2. Start preparing in the junior year. Its good for the student to study for SAT test, student as well as mom/dad should research colleges and narrow down choices, buy books and learn about college application processes, research scholarships (buy books and/or go online for that), learn about the FAFSA (federal application for financial student aid), talk to lots of people who have gone through it and get their wisdom....

3. Kids need a lot of guidance and help through this process. Create a calendar with all the application deadlines, SAT tests, scholarship deadlines, senior pic day, deadline to order cap/gown, etc and help keep the student on track. Guide, guide, guide and prepare to spend a lot of time sitting with them to help fill out forms, applications and write essays. Don't let them wait until the last minute - its too stressful. And don't leave this stuff to them. They don't get the importance of all of it, and they need some pushing and reminders. Be prepared for a lot of mental and emotional work on your part.

4. Let them choose their school and their career path, but be prepared to do a lot of work to help get them where they want to go. They don't have enough life experience to understand what they're doing, and its up to mom and dad to educate them every step of the way. Check up on their progress with questions. Did you write that essay? Did you fill out that form? Did you apply for that scholarship? Where are you at with _______? Asking questions is better than nagging and telling them what to do. They start realizing that it is their responsibility, and you're just asking if they got it done.

5. Help them understand the financial aspects of attending college. For example, Amanda's first choice of school was a private one. We estimated that she would be about $60,000 in debt if she graduated from that school vs. less than $20,000 if she graduated from a state school. We explained what that would look like for her in terms of living on her own and how difficult it would be to have the burden of a huge monthly payment. They haven't lived life yet, and they need help understanding the realities. We gave scenarios so she could picture her life in her mind: living in an apartment, having a car, what bills she might have, etc., and then adding a giant student loan payment to it and the limits there would be to her future budget, etc.

6. Talk about dorm life to get them thinking and preparing themselves for the transition. Talk about expectations they might have with dating, friends, work load, eating, how often to come home, what's going to happen to their bedroom at home, how mom and dad will support them, etc. Amanda is open to reading books. Some great dating books I have purchased for her are "Boundaries in Dating," by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. "He's Hot, She's Hot," by Jeremy and Jerusha Clark.

7. Just get ready. And start early. The junior year is when it should begin, and not the end of the junior year either. Start at the beginning of the junior year. Learn all you can, gather information, talk to parents who have gone through it and talk with your student about it. A LOT. Its their education and career, so they have to be doing the most of the work. I just found that it was my job to guide. A LOT. I didn't expect how mentally challenging that would be, but rewarding now that I see Amanda on her way to success.....

Amanda's Graduation Open House

2009-06-28T10:07:00.001-07:00

Yesterday we held an open house in honor of Amanda's graduation. It was so much fun having people float in and out of the house. I wished I was ten people, so I could have spent more time with each person. Amanda enjoyed seeing lots of friends and even teachers who stopped by....It was an awesome day...

My sister Stephanie's husband, Ryan, Diego the dog, me, Samantha and Stephanie

Samantha, little Anna (Stephanie's daughter), Stephanie and me

Anna, Stephanie and Samantha

Mark (friend from our high school past), Rhonda Marsh (Amanda's violin instructor)

Dean (Joe's buddy) and his son, Caiden

Jenn, Adam and Amanda (long-time friends and old neighbors)

The "crew"

Amanda and her private violin teacher, Rhonda

Paige and Amanda. They became friends in second grade when we lived in Federal Way for a year. They have kept in touch ever since...

Amanda's buddies

The spread.

A couple of my ultrasound classmates stopped by. These are my prayer buddies, Olga and Lily. We're praying each other through the program. :)

The Hiegel Family and Amanda. So great to see them again...

Paige and her mom, Lisa.

Mel and her posse....

Amanda and a few of her friends...

Growth Engines

2009-06-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

I'm wondering about church growth engines. Having been burned out in the past by buying into the "cause" of church growth, I am skeptical and suspicious of things (i.e., events) that are designed to bring more people into a church. I really wonder about the reasons for doing such a thing - is the core, true, heartfelt desire to reach as many people as possible with the gospel? Or, is the real agenda to "build" an entity, an organization into a mega-one - sort of like building a business? And why would the desire BE to be a mega entity? More pay for staff? Get bigger and better buildings with more fancy stuff? Feed egos? Be "known?"

I know its very cynical of me, but I can't help it. I've seen it, experienced it and burned out because of buying into a growth agenda. I've been wondering if it is possible to be part of a church and follow only the agenda God has for ME, and not that of others. I've been feeling something all too familiar lately, and that is, I feel like I'm being given a "sales pitch." Maybe I'm feeling this way because of my prior experience, but I get this sinking feeling every time I hear this "pitch." It feels exactly like when the Kirby guy comes to my door and keeps pushing me to let them come show me their vacuum cleaner, under the guise of "cleaning my carpets for free." I didn't invite the Kirby guy, didn't think of the idea of buying a new carpet cleaner, but someone shows up to get me to buy one.

I am not trying to be critical of church. And, I honestly don't want to be an agent of negativity in order to hurt any ministry. I am just feeling some stuff, and I wonder if there is any truth to it, or if I am still very sensitive to my previous experiences. I vowed to myself a long time ago, that I would no longer be the sheep that follows stupidly, like sheep often do, without thinking for myself. That I would not get caught up in the agendas of others - instead seeking only God's agenda for ME. If that does in fact, include following my leader's agenda, then I will do it if God asks me to. But, I am so much more reluctant to jump in nowadays. I wonder if it is wisdom or past wounding that I'm operating from. Maybe a little bit of both.

The Scoop

2009-06-19T15:49:00.001-07:00

My week off is coming to an end. I am feeling really relieved and proud to have finished one year of the ultrasound program! I received a 93% or above for each of my classes, and I give all the glory to God for providing me with this success. I am also feeling a little anxious and excited to start full-time clinicals on Monday. I wonder how our family is going to adjust and how I'm going to do with more expectations placed on me by the sonographers. I've been reviewing a lot of information during my break, so I will be ready. I will take my physics registry exam next month, which will give me half the title of a sonographer. :) After my year in clinicals, I will take my Abdomen and OB/Gyn exams which will allow me to put an "RDMS" (Registered Diagnostic Medical Sonographer) after my name. Woo Hoo!

Joe got "bumped" out of his position at work, which means crappy hours and less pay. We're trusting the Lord that He has some sort of great plan for this, because it really appears to suck at this point. But, knowing how God works sometimes, we are believing that He has only good in mind. Well, its what the Bible says and I believe it. Anyway, I know He will help us and will provide for Amanda who will be heading off to CWU in the Fall, etc. Joe is praying that this "bump" is temporary, and he may be able to get his spot back very soon.

Amanda is looking for a job right now to save money for school. She needs a few thousand dollars, so I'm praying she gets one FAST. We're throwing her a graduation "open house" next weekend, so I spent the week gathering items for the party.

Melanie and Ben had their last day of school today. Mel is now a junior and Ben is now a third grader! Melanie will be helping us out with Ben a few hours a day in between Joe leaving for work, and me getting home.

Joe bought an old Honda Accord from a guy at work. Its actually going to save us money to own it - less gas money, and less miles on the Explorer. I can take our Kia to my clinical site, while Joe takes the Honda to his work. The name of the game right now, is being as frugal as possible while we ride out this cut in pay.

So, that's the scoop for now. Working hard, watching our pennies and trusting the Lord.

Yes I'm Still Here

2009-05-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

I am still here. Here's what I've been doing:

Going to school Monday through Friday
Going to school on Saturdays to practice scanning and complete projects
Going to Ben's baseball games
Attending end-of-year school concerts and youth symphony concert
Mailing graduation announcements
Buying flowers to pretty up the yard for upcoming graduation open house
Applying for scholarships for myself for next year
Going to the hospital once a week for my clinical time
Studying
Studying
Studying
Making sure Amanda's college paperwork is done and mailed off
Thinking about when I could possibly get my hair done
Thinking about how I am going to pull off said graduation open house
Going to AWANA derby car race
Going to AWANA awards night - Ben got Sparky of the year!
Checking my Facebook before I go to bed
Studying before I fall asleep
Studying in my sleep
Thinking about what it will be like to have my didactics done and start clinicals full time in about THREE WEEKS!!!

Yeah. That's the short list.

I feel like a real person

2009-04-22T18:57:00.000-07:00

I wrote this a few weeks ago, but am just getting around to posting it. This quarter has been another intense one in the ultrasound program. That said, I am more and more loving what I am doing. Plus, by the grace of God, I keep doing well. I just got back mid-term scores and I am sitting pretty. It is only because of Him that I am where I am today. I am just amazed at how He is empowering me to accomplish this stuff. He is so amazing. OH! AND! I initiated a little prayer group with some girls (they're 21, 25, and 23, I think) from my class, and WHAT a blessing it is to be around them. They are truly a gift from God. They are incredible examples of young people following Christ with their whole hearts. I am in awe of them. Their walk with God has blessed me beyond words. You would think as the "older" woman in the group, that I would have something to add to their lives - well it is really just the opposite. God has been SO good to me.....

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my clinical site. They're allowing me to do a little bit more each week and learn the ropes. I've seen all kinds of interesting cases and realize how well I've been taught in my program, because I'm understanding SO much. I love the job, I love the people I work with and I love the patients. Did I say that I LOVE ultrasound? Well, I do. This once a week thing is exactly what I needed to help me keep my eye on the prize while I hammer out all of this studying and work. Pretty soon, it will be June and I will transition to full-time clinicals and no more classroom time. I can hardly believe it.

Anyway, here's the post I wrote a few weeks ago. Its how I feel every time I leave clinicals:

I had an incredible day at my clinical site today. I wish I could blab all about it, but because of privacy laws, I am not allowed to. I CAN talk about my feelings, though.

So I will.

Today I "diagnosed" something in my mind during a scan, and afterwards my "diagnosis" was confirmed by the sonographer. I was right! I kept this to myself, but I was feeling very smart. I also got to assist in scanning today, which meant running the machine while the other sonographer scanned a difficult patient. Kind of an unusal thing to do, but hey - I was game, and I did it! I worked the buttons, measured body parts, annotated and everything! I was so proud of myself. I also stayed a little late, so I could watch a scan I had never seen before. There was something funky going on, and I offered my ideas as to what was going on. It felt so GOOD using my brain, figuring things out and coming up with thoughts.

I left on a high. I love this. I totally love this. I feel like a real person (if that makes any sense at all to you - it does to me). I love using my brain, analyzing, deducing, investigating, thinking, postulating. I feel alive.

CWU

2009-04-18T17:53:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be a CWU Mom! Yahoo!!

He is Risen!!

2009-04-11T11:29:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter!! He is Risen!!

Mark 16:1-8

When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus' body. Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb and they asked each other, "Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?"
But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.
"Don't be alarmed," he said. "You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, 'He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.' "
Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid. (NIV)

1 Peter 1:3
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead... (NIV)

Philippians 3:10-12
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. (NIV)

John 11:25-26
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. (NIV)

Senior Pic Day

2009-04-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

Amanda and I went down to Pt. Defiance Park and Owen Beach for her senior photo shoot today! I must say, it was gorgeous and sunny, which made for magical pictures being taken. Our photographer, Crystal was awesome, and I can't wait to receive our disc in the mail of all the pics she took!! Don't worry. I will post some!

I also started planning for Amanda's graduation open house celebration! We nailed down the date, and sent our preliminary emails to most friends and family....

I can't believe I have a senior!!

First Day

2009-04-01T20:11:00.000-07:00

I had my first day at my clinical site today. It was awesome. There were some sad moments with patients, some happy ones and some interesting ones. It was a great day, overall. I really felt like I knew what I was seeing as I observed and THAT was a VERY satisfying feeling.

I got a little emotional as I drove to the site this morning, thinking about how hard I've been studying and pushing myself - and now to be going to my first site. Whew. Its such a cool experience. This one day a week experience is coming at just the right time for me, as it will probably be the inspiration I need to keep pushing myself. Its a little taste of the real thing, I guess. A reminder of the goal - the end prize for all this intensity....

Today I wanted to grab up one patient and hug them, but as an observing student, it isn't my place to provide patient care. I did go into the restroom and shed a little tear and said a little prayer for them. I hope that I don't become too desensitized to the experience of patients. I know its inevitable that this will happen, but I hope that I can always show compassion and concern for whatever their situation might be. If anything, the medical field is a definite opportunity to pray for people, even if its behind the scenes and they don't know it....

Ten Things I Just Don't Understand

2009-03-28T20:29:00.000-07:00

Ten Things I Just Don't Understand

1. The sport of curling
2. Hairless dogs
3. Mean people
4. People who can't decide when to go at 4-way stops
5. Black coffee
6. Spending $500 on a purse
7. Why its necessary to yell at your children at Walmart
8. Sporting 80's hairdo in 2009
9. Smoking
10. Not wearing deodorant

What are YOUR 10??

Spring Quarter here I come...

2009-03-28T10:51:00.000-07:00

I am nearing the end of my Spring Break, and definitely feeling like I have had enough restorative downtime. I'm SO glad I feel this way, because I've been pushing SO hard and I don't know if I could go into another quarter without being completely rested up. Spring quarter's going to be a doozy. Five classes, and one day a week of clinicals. This quarter we have OB and vascular courses, which I am guessing are going to be quite challenging. I'm up for it. Every new type of scan I learn, I claim as my "favorite." So, we'll see if OB and vascular become my favorites too.

My husband and my kids have been very understanding and supportive of this season in my life. Joe is still cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids. The girls are busy girls, and tend to want to be with friends a lot, so I don't think they miss me much. Benny and I get in our "lovin" when he's feeling needy. Even when I'm studying, the kids know where to find me and I try to be interruptable (except during finals).

I was happy to go to Ben's baseball practice last night, and he kept giving me glances when he did something good - I knew he was glad I was there. Tonight we're going to have a "campout" together and watch "Bolt." The girls are still in San Francisco on their school orchestra trip, and Joe works tonight, so we're going to have some Ben and Mom time.

Joe and I are going away overnight next weekend for our anniversary to a wonderful B&B we've been to before in LaConner. I'm hoping to see some tulips in the Skagit Valley, although I'm not sure if they are blooming right now with all of our cold, weird weather this season.

So, life is working and I look forward to new and exciting things to learn next quarter. I am so thankful to be in the program and getting to do what I do. I have never experienced anything so intense, yet so darn cool at the same time. It is definitely stretching me, but while its difficult, I can't really complain about it, because its so awesome. I am scared out of my PANTS to perform my first scan on a real patient, but I trust that God will go with me and empower me to be good at what I do. I have given Him credit every step of the way, and I will continue to do so. I look forward to the care and compassion I can give to each patient, and I pray that I will always remember that my job is more than just performing a scan and doing it well, but caring for a person. I truly consider it a ministry.

Equation for the Day

2009-03-27T08:52:00.000-07:00

C + P = E

Circumstances + Perspective = Your Experience

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. " (Romans 8:28)

Dreams

2009-03-26T12:19:00.001-07:00

My problem is not life-threatening like the situation in my previous post, but rather, dream threatening.

My daughter wants to go to a Christian, private college that she has fallen in love with. I want her to go there. I know her, and I know that this kind of environment is where she would thrive as a person. It has the programs she needs to become a music teacher.

But, she didn't get enough financial aid award money.

Sure, she could become indebt up to her ears and take the next 20 years to repay it on a teacher's salary. But, that's not wise. I suppose some people do it, but what kind of life would that be for her, being enslaved to this huge debt?

We have been a one-income family all this time, half of which was spent in the military. Needless to say, we haven't been able to save anything for college. What we have done is try to invest in her developing her music talents with the hope that it would help her get to college with scholarships, etc. She got a little bit, but not enough. She has gotten awesome grades and even will graduate from high school with her AA degree, which is great, but not enough.

Now, we're looking at option "B" which is a state college. Obviously, not Christian. A lot cheaper, but will not be as vigorous of an education. It's also still a lot of money. We did the whole FAFSA application thing, and their "estimated family contribution" makes me laugh. Do they seriously think we could contribute that much per year? And we're not even in debt, except for our home and some money left on one vehicle. So, do they think we're going to become indebt for her because we're able to get this parent loan? Is that really our responsibility?

I'm so discouraged. I think about the people who wouldn't even blink an eye at what might seem like a small amount of money to them, but it is that amount that is out of ours and Amanda's reach.

Dreams out of reach.

I feel like her dream is out of reach because of money. I sit there and give myself a headache, thinking "what could I sell, where could I work, what could I apply to" that could eeek out enough for her to attend this school. It's not fair. It's not fair that there's kids whose parents both work and their kids automatically go to college and the kids never pay a dime. Its not fair that rich celebrities go out and buy $50,000 outfits and my child can't go to the school of her dreams. It's not fair that such a wonderful, godly girl like Amanda can't fulfill her dream.

I'm frustrated, sad, angry, hurt and whatever else you want to fill in the blank with. Why isn't God blessing her? Why? Why wouldn't he give her bigger scholarships to attend this school? Why has it seemed like He's been leading her there all along, and now its coming to a screeching halt? Why? Why is it coming down to these stinking numbers - these dollar signs that we don't have to give her?

Pray for Stellan

2009-03-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

I have a heavy heart today for a mom I know only through blogging. I began praying for this mom when she was pregnant with her sweet baby boy, doctors thought would surely die in utero, or shortly after birth. Well, God performed a miracle and he is four months old now. A few days ago, he got a virus and his heart started acting up. Now, he is in the ICU and his situation is serious.

Would you please pray for Stellan and his mommy? You can read their story if you click on my sidebar link "My Charming Kids." This is a beautiful family who loves God, and has incredible faith....

I'm alive

2009-03-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm alive. I'm completely spent, but still breathing. I completed all of my exams last week, and topped it off with volunteering at our church's youth conference ("Sold Out") on Saturday morning, followed by a family birthday party.

The good news is, is that I received A's for all of my final exams, and my final grades for all of my classes are above 92%. I am so proud of myself.

I am also SO very tired, and SO wanting Spring Break. However, I have to spend the first two days of it doing Physics Review to prepare for our Physics registry exam. We elected to do this as a class, and I guess it will pay off, but I am SO not wanting to go back there right now.....

I bought some comfy new active wear so at least I can feel cute and cozy while doing Physics tomorrow...a new outfit always helps things, right? :)

FIVE

2009-03-11T14:28:00.000-07:00

I have five final exams next week. FIVE. One on each day of the week.

Clinicals

2009-03-07T09:37:00.001-08:00

I received my clinical site yesterday!! I am so excited. My whole class has been eagerly awaiting this announcement since the beginning of our program. I received a hospital setting for my first clinical assignment, and it is not too far away!! YAY!! I had been praying that I wouldn't be sent to some far away place, making it a hardship on my family.

I am just thrilled to be sent to this hospital, because I think I will get to see a wide variety of patients and issues. It will be a great experience for me. I am also very nervous. I know that I lack scanning experience, but I still have this hope that I will walk in there and be good at what I do. It is just so very important to me to be good at what I do. I guess I know I must realize that it takes many, many hours of experience to accomplish this. I also know they don't expect me to be at their level of expertise, but I do know that there is some expectation that I should know a lot.

Anyway, I start at my clinical site next quarter (which starts the end of March) one day a week. This will be the site that I will spend 40 hours per week during Summer and Fall quarters next year as well. For Winter and Spring of next year, they will switch me to a new site (probably a clinic).

This is REALLY happening now.

PLEASE

2009-03-07T09:22:00.000-08:00

My son enjoys writing. A LOT. He writes long, elaborate "books." He likes to have them look like a real book, so I cut up plain paper and he staples covers to it. He LOVES writing. He is extremely descriptive and creative. He will spend weeks completing a book.

I asked his teacher to give him extra opportunities to develop his passion in class. She, of course, wanted to make sure that what he writes about what is appropriate for school. Blah, blah, blah. Ben likes to write about blood and guts sometimes, and of course, school is not for "violence." Blah,blah, blah....

Anyway, Ben has been writing a comic book at school this past week under his teacher's guidance. I received a note home from the teacher that went like this:

"FYI-Ben worked very hard on a comic this week. :) At one point it had a coach giving a runner "crazy water" that tasted funny and made the boy "feel weird." I talked to Ben about being sure he wrote about school safe topics at school. Just wanted to let you know. Thanks."

I asked Ben to tell me about his story. When he came to the crazy water part, I asked him how he came up with crazy water? He said he just made it up. It had nothing to do with ANYTHING that I'm sure the teacher is referring to - he JUST MADE IT UP. DUH. He's 8 years old.

I wrote this note back:

"I'm sure that 'crazy water' is 'crazy water' and not something that is an unsafe school topic!"

I am SO sick and tired of what public school has become. I am SO sick and tired of everything having to be SO politically correct all the time. No parties. No holiday celebrations. Respect all religions, but PLEASE don't say the word "Jesus" out loud. Don't say "Christmas Break" - say "Winter Break." Be creative in your writing, but don't talk about blood and guts and crazy water - even though you're only eight years old, and even though most kids your age don't have the kind of passion for writing that you do - we must squelch your creativity and you must stay in this little box we want you to stay in.

PLEASE.

Thyroid II

2009-03-04T16:36:00.000-08:00

I saw the doc today regarding my thyroid nodule. He is basically not concerned at this point. He wants to see me in three months to scan it again in his office to check on it. If anything has changed, I guess he'll do a biopsy. He didn't get the feeling that it needed to be biopsied right now.

Okey dokey.

Birthday and Dance

2009-03-01T11:03:00.000-08:00

Ben had his 8th birthday party at the bowling alley last month, and I am just now getting around to posting a couple pics. Also, last night, Melanie was invited to a winter formal dance by Jacob, who attends another high school. They both attend the same church and youth group. So, here's the pics:

There were 8 boys bowling, including Ben. What a fun party!

Ben opening his presents.

It was so cute watching Ben read his cards with all the boys listening intently. :)

Melanie and Jacob at his parents' house. They made their group dinner before the dance.

Melanie and Jacob. So color coordinated, huh? Jacob's mom said they hunted all over town for
that gold tie. :)

Totally Random

2009-02-28T22:15:00.000-08:00

It's late and I'm still up. I just thought I would give an update on my thyroid nodule.

There is no update. I will meet with my endocrinologist next week on Wednesday. We're going to go over the images together and decide what to do. I think its going to be cool to talk with the doc about my images, because I will actually know what I am looking at and what he is talking about. I love being smart.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Do you remember that scene in the Breakfast Club where the principal said something about "cracking some skulls?" Yeah. I use that phrase when I am mad at someone, or if my kids are in trouble. So today I am mad at someone and I would REALLY LIKE TO CRACK SOME SKULLS!!!!!

I know this is all totally random, but it makes me feel better to say it. Plus, I'm really tired and loopy.

Good night.

Ultrasound Conference

2009-02-28T16:56:00.001-08:00

Are you ever doing something and you start thinking about writing about it later on your blog? Today, I was at an ultrasound conference and was thinking about just that.

I was sitting there enjoying some herbal tea and fascinated by watching a presentation on hernias. I don't think I ever would have thought that hernias would be so interesting, but today they were. We watched a video of a real-time sonogram showing how to detect hernias. I got some really good information! We also heard presentations on pelvis abnormalities (adenomyosis, ectopic pregnanies, etc.), medical legal issues, preventing spread of infection, pre-natal echocardiography and pre-natal testing for birth defects and developmental abnormalities.

It was very cool for me, as a student, entering into this sonography world for a day. I realized that the terminology we are being taught is really spoken in real life - AND I actually understood it! I also got the chance to see some of the gals who allowed me to observe in their imaging center before I got accepted into my program. They remembered me, which felt nice, and we got a chance to talk about the program and how it is going. I also met some other sonographers who gave us some tips and tricks of the trade, so to speak.

All in all, I really enjoyed myself and am so excited about this field!

Now I'm Scared Again

2009-02-24T21:36:00.000-08:00

OK, so now I'm scared again to be a sonographer. The other day, we learned about Thoracentesis. The procedure itself isn't what scares me - it's a draining of fluid from the chest (with a needle and tube). What scares me is that MY job is to scan the patient's back, and mark their back with an "X." This "X" is what the radiologist uses to stick the needle into. If you get the spot wrong, the doc could stick the needle into the lung on accident, and the patient has a pneumothorax (collapsed lung). Greeeeaaaaaat......Last night, I looked up Thoracentesis on YouTube, just to feel better about this. There was an entire educational video on the whole procedure! I guess you can find anything on YouTube!

But, I'm still scared.

Amanda's audition

2009-02-23T15:55:00.000-08:00

Spokane was great. Our flight was only 50 minutes, and when we arrived there was snow piled up everywhere - they must have gotten a LOT of snow! We got a rental car and drove to our hotel, which left a lot to be desired. Plus, they didn't give us the right room, so we shared a bed. Oh well - Amanda doesn't snore. :) We went out to dinner, and poked around Target before heading back to the hotel to study a little bit.

The next afternoon was Amanda's audition. We killed some time getting coffee and shopping before heading over to the college. I did not go into Amanda's audition with her, but she was very pleased and proud of herself when she finished!! Yay Amanda!!

We drove around the Whitworth campus and she showed me where everything was (she and Joe toured the campus back on October). It's a nice, small campus with wonderful students. Amanda wants to go there so badly....

I am praying for Amanda to receive a hefty, if not a full ride scholarship there. We have not been able to save for her college tuition, and since she wants to become a teacher, I'm sure it's a good idea for her not to have gigantic student loans to pay back. I have seen God lead her to this school in so many ways, and I believe that it is His desire that she attend there. So, I have to believe that He is going to provide for her. It's what I am asking Him for.....

Spokane

2009-02-20T16:11:00.000-08:00

Amanda and I are flying over to Spokane tomorrow afternoon so she can perform in a college music scholarship audition. Pray for our safe travels and success for Amanda! :)

Boobs and fake testicles

2009-02-19T14:02:00.001-08:00

We started scanning breasts in our lab today. I know this is crass, but decided that I really like scanning boobs. I had one of mine scanned. I have a lot of fat in it, but this is because of my age. I scanned all ages and sizes today. The smaller ones are not as fun as the bigger ones. But, you can see the chest wall muscles really well with small ones. That was cool. I asked my lab teacher what she would think about scanning breasts all day. She said something about wanting to kill herself or something like that. I don't know if I could ONLY scan breasts all day long everyday - I might get sick of it, I guess, but I really liked it today.......

Our lab teacher made fake testicles and a penis out of water balloons today. She tied them to one of my classmates with a nylon. This was done to show us how to position the male genitalia for a scrotal exam. I'm sure that the first real scrotal exam I perform will be awkward for me, but I intend to think about doing the best exam I can - just as I would want for my husband, son or grandfather.

While both of these types of exams will be somewhat awkward, I think about how life-saving they can be. Men and women die from cancers in these areas of their body, but when they are found early, it makes all the difference in the world. I look forward to getting good at what I do so I can find these abnormalities and really help someone.

The thing is, school is so intense right now that it feels like FOREVER before I'll be good at my job. It's amazing what I can do already, but I know there is still so much MORE to learn and do. In about a month, I will begin my clinicals one day per week. So, it really isn't so far away that I'll begin scanning real patients. It's just so HARD right now and I'm TIRED. I'll never be tired enough to give up, but I sure am TIRED......

Please pray for me.

Midterm Update

2009-02-15T22:15:00.001-08:00

I did pretty darn good on my midterms - yes, pretty darn good. A couple of A's, a B and one not-so-good-grade that they're giving us a chance to make up because most of the class did badly, too. I'm not worried. I'll do the make-up work, get back in good standing and keep working my little hiney off. Good stuff, I tell ya. Good stuff.

I Scanned A Baby!

2009-02-13T20:42:00.000-08:00

I SCANNED A BABY! A pregnant lady came into my class on Friday and I got to scan her belly. I found myself smiling the whole time. It was SO much fun.

I also heard some pretty awesome ultrasound stories from my teacher. She told of a day when a brain surgeon called her in to scan a BRAIN in the middle of a surgery to remove a brain tumor. She walked in and the skullcap was removed and there was this naked BRAIN. She had to scan it to see if they removed all of the tumor. Is that not AWESOME or what?! I wish I had been there....

She also told a story about how she had to scan a spinal cord of a patient who was lying on their stomach and their spine was completely exposed. "Fileted like a fish" was more like how she explained it. I wish I had been there too.....

After a couple of difficult weeks in my program, I got the inspiration I needed that day to renew my vision for becoming a sonographer. Ever since I started my pre-req's, I have tried to keep this vision of myself in scrubs at a hospital working as a sonographer. Keeping this vision in my mind helps keep me motivated. Today was a great reminder of the vision and the true enthusiasm I have for my future career. This is going to be such a great fit for me for so many reasons, and I get so excited when I think about the kind of person I am and how this job matches me (did that just make sense?). Anyway, it's stories and short experiences like these that give me this incredible desire to learn and fans the flames of my enthusiasm for what I'm doing......I usually come home and relay the stories to my husband, throw my head back with a groan and say "AGHGHGHG! I WANT TO DO THAT!!!"

Right Now, I Would Like to Be....

2009-02-12T20:55:00.000-08:00

Right now, I would like to be out on a quiet, serene lake on a sunny day paddling a kayak and fishing.

Where would you like to be right now?

Morning Hugs

2009-02-12T07:43:00.000-08:00

I was hugging and loving on my son this morning, and he said "How do you get such a good smell? Is it your makeup?" I said, "Maybe. How did you get so handsome? You must have got it from me." He says, "Yeah. You're so handsome. How did you get so juicy?"

Thyroid appointment

2009-02-10T09:14:00.001-08:00

So, last Wednesday I went into my endocrinologist's office to discuss my recent ultrasound. I opted to meet with his partner, so I could get my results quicker.

The best laid plans of mice and men......

He only had the radiologist's report and not the images. When I asked my teacher about this, she said it was typical for doctors to do business this way. I think it's stupid. Anyway, after reading the report, this endocrinologist now wants to see the images. He said he would order them and see me in a month.

A MONTH?!

The whole reason I went to the imaging center to have my thyroid scanned in the first place was so I didn't have to wait until March to have my endocrinologist do it in his office! THEN, I made an appointment with his partner so I wouldn't have to wait to hear the results! NOW, I'm still having to wait until March!

My teacher says it only takes a day or two to get images, so I'm going to call the office back and be a squeaky wheel again. They're going to be sick of me.

Oh brother.

Scratch That

2009-02-08T09:09:00.000-08:00

I would like to put a big "X" over my previous post. Here's how I am going to re-write it.

I had a difficult week. For the most part, I did the best I could. I messed up at times, but it doesn't define me.

My son was very sick. On one of his worst nights wheezing in the bathroom breathing shower steam, he asked me to pray for him. He cried out to God, "heal me!" I am amazed that he has somehow grasped from me the fact that God heals, and the first thing we should do is pray and ask for help. Good Mom.

I screwed up and did something spiteful that turned out worse than I intended. It was sin, but my soft heart was convicted immediately and I asked for forgiveness. I apologized to the person. I get to start over. Imperfect Redeemed Christian.

I thought I botched a test. Almost everyone else did, too. Come to find out, there were some points on my test that were not counted, and our teacher is also going to give us an opportunity to redeem ourselves. When I surveyed the class, and asked how many of them were already researching alternate career options. Everyone raised their hands. I realized I'm not alone. Awesome student.

I received my first ticket. Ever. I've never even been pulled over. My husband and daughter greeted me at home with laughs and hugs. It's going to be OK. I'll go to court and have it deferred so it won't affect my insurance.

Last night at church, I cried. There was something at church called "cardboard testimonies." About 50 people walked up on stage one at a time (some couples) and held up a piece of cardboard with a quick blurb about something negative that had happened to them in their lives, and when they turned the cardboard over, it said how God redeemed that situation. Then, our pastor continued a message on Nehemiah, and how Nehemiah didn't get initimidated by accusations/lies and stayed the course. Then, over 20 people accepted Christ. Then, there was impromptu baptisms. Our pastor said "some people just need to go home with wet clothes tonight." I would say that over 50 people were baptized - probably more. GOD REDEEMS.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland...." (Isaiah 43 :18-19)

GOD REDEEMS!!!

I'll Try

2009-02-06T17:52:00.000-08:00

I was going to recap my rotten week for you and title it "Basically, I Suck." I have seriously had a horrible week, starting off with a very sick boy and not being able to stay home with him. Horrible mother.

This week I also made a decision out of spite, that turned out worse than I intended - it was basically sin that came out of a sinful attitude. I have been convicted to the core and ashamed. Horrible Christian.

THIS followed by a botched test. Horrible student.

THIS followed by my very first speeding ticket. Ever. I've never even been pulled over. When I saw the flashing lights, it was like I wasn't even surprised. I had been feeling so crappy that I almost half-expected that something worse would happen. And, thanks to the speed trap on River Road and my distracted brain, it did.

Today, I was feeling like such a sucky person, I cried the entire half hour to school, praying for the one hundredth time for forgiveness for my failures. I took my Physics midterm, and drove home.

But you know why you get the short version, and don't have to listen to too very much of my self-loathing? Well, because I asked the Lord to please, even though I don't deserve it - to please give me an encouraging word. Do you know what He did? As I got in my car to come home today, the radio was on and I heard a lady talking. She was finishing a story that sounded like she was sharing how God redeemed her life, etc. She said she wanted to share a verse, and here it was:

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland...." (Isaiah 43 :18-19)

Thank you, Lord. I'll try.

Please pray for me!

2009-02-02T20:22:00.000-08:00

I have 5 midterms coming. 3 this week and two next week. Please pray for me! I would greatly appreciate it. :)

2009-01-30T20:48:00.000-08:00

Got it!

2009-01-29T16:33:00.001-08:00

I got my copy of "Mad Church Disease" today!!! It looks SO good!!! Anybody who goes to church should read it!!

Squeaky Wheel

2009-01-28T17:53:00.000-08:00

Today, I called my endocrinologist's office to find out if he had seen my thyroid images. Apparently, he has, but has not written any notes yet. The nurse said I would probably have to wait until my scheduled appointment with him in.....March. I sighed and said that is an awfully long time to wait. She asked me if I wanted to schedule with his partner. I actually did an observation in this office, and observed this man doing thyroid biopsies. He is a very neat, older man so I said "yes." I have an appointment with him next week!

Spider Man

2009-01-27T19:43:00.000-08:00

I walked downstairs tonight and Ben was arranging pillows and other items on the floor. He said he was building an obstacle course. He was also wearing only his Spider-Man underwear. I asked him, "How come you're only wearing undies?"

His response: "That's how I roll, Mom. That's how I roll."

Ultrasound Today

2009-01-26T21:48:00.001-08:00

I had my thyroid ultrasound today. My very special friend wanted to come with me and my husband too. I'm sure it was a very boring sonogram to watch for them though! I should find out what the doc says about the sonogram in a few days. Or, rather, they will be getting a phone call from ME wanting to know what the doc says about my sonogram! Squeaky wheel gets the grease, I always say!

After my sonogram, I went out to coffee with my friend. It was SO nice to step off the studying treadmill and spend time with her. We had such a great talk, and we held hands and prayed together before we left. I love that! I love my friend. It just feels good to know and be known by others. To share life together - good and bad, give and receive, support and celebrate.....It's been awhile since I've had girlfriend time, and I realize that I really need to cultivate that in my life more.......

Thank you Lord, for the dear friends You have brought into my life.

A Time To Laugh

2009-01-25T09:25:00.000-08:00

Last night at church, I saw a couple from our "old church." They have been trying it out, I guess. I talked with them for awhile, and told them the story of how we ended up attending the church we attend now. I was uncanningly aware of how I felt as I told the story. I was laughing. I was genuinely laughing. I think that's an indication of healing. Two years ago when I told the story, I was disgusted. Now, I'm laughing.

Wanna hear the story?

Well, you're going to. When we were attending our old church, Amanda had been really unhappy with the youth group situation. I told her that it was OK with us if she wanted to go to another youth group if she wanted to. I took her down to our current church, Puyallup Foursquare, and sat in on the youth service. I was BLOWN away. There was about 400 kids there. Chad, the youth pastor was AWESOME and the worship was jaw-dropping. I came home and told Joe about it. I bawled.

Now, at this point we were not even thinking about leaving the church we were attending. But, when Joe saw how blessed I was from the youth service, he said, "Well, maybe we should check it out for ourselves." I was caught off-guard, but my heart lept at the idea. I had really been struggling with burnout (physically and emotionally) at that church for a little while, and I was ready for a change. We talked, and decided we would not tell anyone about it, but would check out the church and slowly take our time to decide.

The first time we went was at a Saturday night service. It was like coming home. We loved it. We knew. As we left the building that night, someone from our old church was in the parking lot and saw us.

She told on us to the pastor.

We got a phone call Monday morning from him wanting to know what was going on. So much for our "taking our time" to decide! I never came back. Joe finished out a commitment that he had, but I was done.

We've been at Puyallup Foursquare ever since, and it was the best decision we could have made.

That's my story.

Granted, there's a lot more I could say about the burnout experience, but last night, when I told that story to this couple, I think the Lord wanted me to be very aware of my laughing at it. It truly goes to show the process of healing God takes us through when we experience something painful. Nothing is instant. But, when you get there, you know it. It's not that you forget it, you just know you've reached the end of that road of process.

I think we get antsy as we're travelling the road of process. We want to know "why," or we want it to be over, or we start blaming and getting angry. Then sometimes we're stuck on the road because we get stuck in those feelings. And it takes longer. We think we're alone, but we're not.

I think the key to moving forward on the road, albeit slowly sometimes, is to give ourselves permission to feel what we're feeling. Vocalize it, write about it, and definitely express it to God. Trust Him to light the way in our darkness. Trust Him that He really does hear us, really does know we're on this dark road and He can already see the end of it even though we don't. It's our job to keep moving forward by processing and trusting Him at the same time. Then, soon, you'll find yourself looking back at the road you just travelled and find yourself laughing.

It's COMING!

2009-01-23T20:20:00.001-08:00

(This picture was pasted to this blog from the website for Mad Church Disease by Anne Jackson. Click on the book image on my sidebar to be taken to the site)

I just got an email from Amazon saying that my "purchase had shipped."

I was confused and thought "I didn't make any purchase...." Then I read the email. The copy of "Mad Church Disease," by Anne Jackson, that I pre-ordered months ago was released EARLY!

I encourage you to buy the book and spread the word. This is going to rock the church's world in an awesome, positive way!!

Thyroid update

2009-01-21T18:52:00.000-08:00

I had my thyroid bloodwork done today. They ran TSH and T4. TSH is a hormone secreted by the pituitary gland that tells the thyroid gland to secrete T3 and T4. So, if levels are abnormal it can tell them if I am hypothyroid or hyperthyroid or normal! I usually do that every year anyway. I have an ultrasound scheduled for Monday, January 26th. I am eager to see what they think. I had an ultrasound in 2002, so I'm hopeful they will be able to view those images to use as a comparison. I still would rather have it removed than get poked around, but I will wait to hear what my endocrinologist's opinion is. I'm sure he knows more than I do. :) On the other hand, I hope I can have an opinion, too. And who knows? Maybe all of this will be for nothing, and he'll say it's no big deal and they're going to "watch it" or something boring like that.....

Spokane Here She Comes

2009-01-20T18:16:00.000-08:00

Amanda received her acceptance letter into Whitworth University today! WOO HOO!! Praise GOD!!!

Dang things

2009-01-16T18:17:00.001-08:00

I'm experiencing a rare moment.

I'm home.......ALONE.

Of course, the dog and cat are always close by, but wow - it's so QUIET.

This week was a pretty successful one at school. I took three "quizzes," and did pretty well, I think! (I don't have all the scores back). I am scanning well, finding ovaries and measuring endometriums.....

We started scanning thyroids, and it was discovered that both lobes of my thyroid gland have some "things" on them. In fact one thing is a nodule that is taking up most of my left lobe! Needless to say, I called my endocrinologist the same day, and scheduled an ultrasound and appointment with him! I should find out before the end of the month what the nodules are. The good thing is, thyroid cancer is fairly rare. If it is thyroid cancer, it rarely metastasizes, so that's good, too. Plus, if the gland had to be removed (which it probably doesn't) one can live quite normally without a thyroid gland. Medication would have to be taken for the rest of my life, but I already take some for hypothyroidism anyway. So, we'll see!

The weird thing is my thinking. I think I would rather have the gland removed than have a needle biopsy. I've seen needle biopsies (called Fine Needle Aspirations) done, and it doesn't look very fun. Plus, I've learned that it is common for them not to get enough cells and have to re-do tests (sometimes more than once), and sometimes not ever getting the cells they need to examine under the microscope. PLUS, I have also learned that benign and malignant cells from thyroid nodules can sometimes look the same. I just think it's better to take the whole dang thing out. My teacher says that may be a drastic way to look at it, so I suppose I should wait to hear what my endocrinologist has to say. But, what's the point in doing an FNA if the thing is so big, they would want to take it out anyway?

I've also been thinking about the educational opportunity this affords me. I know. I'm weird. But, I was thinking how cool it would be if I had to get something removed, if I had them save it for me. If they had to cut it up for some reason and couldn't save it, then I was thinking they could take pictures of it for me, at least. I just think it would be so cool for me to have the ultrasound images, as well as the gross specimen. What a great show-and-tell!

I think I chose the right field to get into......I love this stuff.

My Week At A Glance

2009-01-10T20:24:00.000-08:00

Well, I made it through my first week of Winter Quarter. Even though it is so hard, I am amazed that its awesomeness doesn't end. I am surrounded by such quality people and teachers each day. I'm not only learning lots about ultrasound, but about how fascinating and great people can be. I am receiving an education in many different ways....

This quarter, I think have 16 credits. It could be 18, but I can't remember. All I know is, my classes are: Pathophysiology II, Gynecologic Ultrasound, Small Parts and Superficial Structures and Physics II. I also have a four hour lab once a week. It's been very interesting scanning uteruses and ovaries, etc. I can't say it enough: I love doing this.

I had to go buy an exercise ball for my hand, because my arm starts to shake when I am scanning for a longer period of time. It's kind of like pinching a pencil very hard and pushing down at the same time with your arm extended out - holding it like that until your muscles start to shake! Anyway, I hope that my arm and hand can get stronger with my new ball.

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I am not an addictive person, but seriously - Facebook has been like a magnet for me. I need an intervention. I have like, 80 friends in my first week of having a Facebook. It has been like a high school reunion, sixth grade reunion, old church reunion, and ex-high school-boyfriend reunion. Sometimes weird. Sometimes cool. Always fun. One person won't be my friend yet, and that is my daughter, Melanie. She won't let me be her friend, can you believe that?! Her very own mother?! The very person who was cut open and has SCARS from giving her LIFE?! Can you IMAGINE? (Melanie, if you are reading this, I hope you feel very, very guilty).

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My sweet boy is turning 8 on Monday! Joe and I went out and bought some gifts for him the other day. It's always so hard to go out and buy gifts right after Christmas. It seems like too much. But, we got him some things he needed. Ben is going to have a bowling party this year. No girls allowed. This is going to be crazy.

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We went to church tonight. It was freaking AWESOME. My church ROCKS. If you're interested, you can hear free podcasts of my pastor's messages. I highly recommend the one from this weekend. You can go to http://www.p4square.com/ and click on "Resources" to find the podcasts there. Let me know what you think of it!

Christmas #3 in Port Angeles

2009-01-04T11:53:00.000-08:00

It's always fun to drag out Christmas as long as possible. This past weekend, we visited my mom, her husband and my brother in Port Angeles for Christmas #3. They still had quite a bit of snow, and then it decided to snow again the night we got there. Needless to say, the kids were excited and we stayed an extra night. I took the kids to see where my mom works as well as a visit to Swain's, the local "general store," that I used to frequent as a kid when I visited my Nana and Pa in Port Angeles.

Speaking of Pa, the picture below is my 93-year-old grandfather at his friend's house. The house my mom now lives in is the house my Nana and Pa used to own. It's kind of funny that I grew up visiting them in that house, and now my kids visit my mom there.....

Here is my mom with Amanda and Melanie...

I took the kids to a sledding hill at the Hurricane Ridge information center. Ben turned out to be an awesome snowboarder!

I took the girls to "Bella Italia," which is the restaurant where Bella and Edward had their first date in the story, "Twilight."

All in all, we had a great time hanging out at my mom's house, watching episodes of The Office, laughing at the kids sledding down their long driveway and exchanging gifts.

Facebook

2009-01-03T20:48:00.001-08:00

I got a Facebook account. It is WAY too addicting....

Please Pray for a Baby

2008-12-29T21:09:00.000-08:00

PLEASE pray NOW for a little baby named Stellan. He is a newborn and is in the hospital NICU after contracting RSV (respiratory virus). They are holding off a little longer before they put him on a ventilator - so PLEASE pray that he turns the corner tonight! He has been through so much in his short little life, and this is a hard one for their family. You can read their story through the link on my sidebar: "My Charming Kids."

PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!

Arizona!!

2008-12-27T21:37:00.000-08:00

Papa and Nana's house!

Papa and Nana at the park

Christmas Cacti singing "O Holy Night"

Desert beauties

Kids enjoying the sun....

Our first night in Arizona - Christmas dinner!

Present time!

Mom took a nap in the sunshine. Ahhhhhh....

The kids took a ride to the community center. The neighborhood Papa and Nana live in is part of a master planned community with lots of amenities.....

The kids at the neighborhood park. Ben begged Papa to drive him over in the golf cart to to play. :)

The kids at a prehistoric ruins site called "Casa Grande."

Ben in his "room" (Nana and Papa's walk-in closet) with Toby

The fam on Papa's golf cart again - probably the highlight for Ben. Mel even got to drive it!

What we came home to - a Christmas we won't forget!!

BBQ anyone?

We Made It

2008-12-26T12:55:00.000-08:00

After a flight delay on Christmas Eve, we made it home. Yay! We arrived too late to attend our church's Christmas Eve service, but we were just so glad to be back. After a quick trip to Taco Bell to fill our tummies we made it home. What a great feeling to walk into our warm home with our Christmas presents waiting under the tree. Our kitty was so happy to see us (she has hardly left my side since we got back).

Ben developed a skin staff infection that we had to see a doctor for in Arizona. We think he had it before we left, so our first task was to disinfect all of our bathrooms and wash all our bedding,just to make sure. Once we had the house cleaned up, I stuffed our stockings. One of our Christmas traditions is to open our stockings on Christmas Eve. Papa and Nana had given us a DVD of a fire in a fireplace, so we put that on as well as some Christmas music and opened our stockings together.

The kids woke up about 7:00 am on Christmas morning. Santa had left a remote control car for Ben and some lighted make-up mirrors for each of the girls. After they messed around downstairs with their gifts, all three kids came and got us up. What a great day of opening gifts and being together! Joe put a pork roast in the crock pot, and we had a yummy Christmas dinner that evening.

We picked up Diego today. After more than a week at the kennel, he was sure glad to see us! I have two little shadows now, who seem a little worried that I'm going to leave them again. If Macy gets left alone at all, she starts meowing this forlorn little meow until we answer her. Poor kitty and doggy!

All in all, it was kind of nice to have missed all of the snow drama here in the Northwest. We had a couple of days of temperatures in the 60's in Arizona, which was fun sitting out on Nana and Papa's patio soaking in the sun. I'm thankful we weren't stranded in an airport with nowhere to go, and had a warm comfy bed at Joe's parents. It's great to have some time off period - and even better to have made it home for Christmas. :)

Christmas Adventure

2008-12-22T11:15:00.000-08:00

After two days in a row of flights cancelled into Seattle, we are back at Joe's parents in Arizona. The airline is saying we might be able to get home on Christmas Eve morning, but I'm not going to get my hopes up too much because the weather is still bad there. It was a sad thought that we might not be waking up in our own home on Christmas morning to open presents. Amanda and Ben were teary, and I was fighting mine back for their sake. Melanie is happy-go-lucky, and is perfectly happy coming back to Nana and Papa's. I told the kids that whenever we get back, we'll still have our Christmas. I tried to keep them cheered up, and asked each of them if they would like to know what one of their presents are. They thought it was pretty funny, so I told them each one present. Their dad was down at the ticket counter, so I told them it was our secret, and not to tell dad that they knew. :)
I enjoyed the lifted expressions I saw on their faces, and decided to make sure we continue to have fun as long as we're here.

When Papa and Nana came back to the airport to get us, I encouraged the kids to pretend that we were just getting to AZ, and to act like we were just seeing them for the first time. They had fun with that, too.

I told Joe that we should just continue to enjoy the kids and spend time with them just like we would have done at home. The bonus is the wonderful sunshine here, that we can also enjoy! Today, I am taking the girls to see a movie while Joe takes Ben to play at the park. Papa and Nana have a golf cart, and Ben just LOVES taking it out for a ride. Papa even lets him drive. Papa and Nana also have a little Lhasa Apso named Toby who is fun for Ben and all of us. I'm getting to miss my kitty and doggy, though!

Diego is hanging out at the kennel, so he will be taken care of. Our neighbors are taking care of Macy, too......We're doing laundry at Nana and Papa's today, since we ran out of undies! We'll probably get some groceries to help out, since they weren't expecting us to be here this long.....All in all, it's all working out, and we're thankful we're not stranded in an airport like many people are right now. We got to come back to Papa and Nana's, we're all together safe and everybody's OK.

As one blogger reminded me, this time of year is about "Christ"mas. It's about Jesus. And, like I told the kids: the Lord wasn't surprised about what is happening. He knew this was going to take place, and He will take care of us. Everything will be OK.

I'll Be Home for Christmas?

2008-12-21T20:58:00.000-08:00

Flight cancelled again. Trying for Christmas Eve morning. Kids sad. Mom sad. Dad sad. Dog in the kennel sad. Kitty home alone sad.

Pray for us.

Stuck in Arizona

2008-12-21T10:17:00.000-08:00

Hey from the sun! We are packing up to leave Joe's parents in Arizona, and I would like to ask for your prayers for our return flight. Our flight home yesterday was cancelled due to the severe winter storm in Washington. We will be coming home to several inches of snow I hear, plus freezing rain. We have a 35 mile drive from the airport to home once we get there. So, please pray that #1: we get to fly into Seattle today; #2: safe driving once we get there.

Thanks so much my blog friends!

Got 'Em

2008-12-15T15:47:00.001-08:00

I got 'em. My final grades. My little heart is pounding out of my chest.

Abdominal Sonography: 95% A
Abdominal Lab: 89.5% B
Pathophysiology: 89% B

PRAISE THE LORD!!

Oh. Here comes the tears....

Christmas In The Northwest

2008-12-15T09:36:00.001-08:00

If you haven't watched the video located below this post, I urge you to do so! It's AWESOME. My favorite part is when he says the "people you're supposed to love." HAHAHA! Perfect!

Anyway, Joe and I had a picture-perfect outing to downtown Seattle on Saturday night. It was SUPER cold, so we bundled up in our scarves and gloves, and headed over to the Cheesecake Factory for a delicious dinner. I was in the mood for Famous Dave's grilled salmon, however (I get these things stuck in my head sometimes) - but lo, and behold, the Cheesecake Factory presented their new menu with grilled salmon! They even had onion strings just like Famous Dave's! Mmmmmmmm......Joe and I shared a slice of heavenly Tiramisu cheesecake afterwards. Mmmmmmm again......

After dinner, we walked off some calories shopping a bit downtown. There were so many PEOPLE! And, there were lights everywhere, and a carousel, too. Inside one of the malls, there were choirs singing Christmas music and it was even snowing INSIDE. I got excited, because I bought a memory foam seat cushion at Brookstone. My rear end get so SORE sitting in class all day, and I've been looking for something to sit on. HA! The weird things that make me happy....

Finally, we walked up to the Fifth Avenue Theatre and saw "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers!" We had FANTASTIC seats, and WHAT an awesome show!! We LOVED it.

As we walked out of the theater, it was SNOWING - HUGE, slowly falling flakes. It was a true Christmasy moment, surrounded by all these people, coming out of the theatre, downtown amongst all the lights. So COOL.

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A couple of weeks ago, we attended Amanda's concert at the college. She joined the college orchestra this year, and was given a solo part. They performed with the choir, too. OH! It was SO good! They sang REAL, Christian-themed music, which was so wonderful. Some opera singers were invited to come as well, and blessed us with their beautiful voices. I was so pleased to be at a public college's community event, and listen to music with the true spirit of Christmas....

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The day after Amanda's concert, we went to our church's Christmas production. It was SO great! Ben was in the service with us, and I loved having my whole family together to worship and share in some more Christmas warmth.....

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It has been very cold since Saturday's snowfall, and it's supposed to stay this way for a while. Ben and Melanie played in the snow, and were hoping to get out of going to school today, but nope, it was on schedule. I was kind of hoping they got to stay home too. I'm kind of a kid when it comes to snow and Christmas, can you tell?

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I finally made out my Christmas letters and got a picture taken of the kids, so I'm going to be mailing those out today. I've been receiving cards and letters in the mail, and I read every one. We used to post each picture on our refrigerator, but this year, we have a stainless steel fridge, and magnets don't stick to it (and I don't want to stick tape to it, either). So, I put a pretty Christmas plate on my coffee table and put the pics and cards there. My Nana used to do that, and I think it's kind of fancy and special.....

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We're going to go to our church's Christmas Eve service, so I'm hoping to have some friends over for cookies afterwards. There's nothing like a Christmas Eve service. I am so moved by it, and enjoy the magic of the night. It's when my heart gets quite still and reflective about God and the awesomeness of His plan when He sent Jesus as that little baby. I don't really have the words, but the Lord and I connect on a special level at a Christmas Eve service...it's very special to me...

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I do hope we can make it to the Live Nativity again this year. That would be the icing on the cake......

Prescription for Holiday Family Gatherings

2008-12-14T09:05:00.001-08:00

Quick Break

2008-12-07T19:57:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a quick break from studying to ask for your prayers as I embark on my last four finals. I am most nervous about my Thursday final, so pray for skilled hands and quick thinking will you please?

Amazingly, I am finished with my Christmas shopping. I have done most of my shopping online, plus quick stops on the way home from class. Amazon, Avon, Best Buy and Overstock.com were my friends this year. If I were to have an addiction, it would be to receive packages in the mail. It is so FUN! I proclaim "Santa's elves came!" when a package arrives. And, did you know that a lot of stores have a set-up where you buy stuff online, and then pick it up at the store? I kinda like that idea for the fact that you don't have to fight any crowds to shop - you get to shop at home in your jammies and have the item waiting for you at the front of the store when you're ready to pick it up. It also means no shipping costs - yay!

Another "almost addiction" I have is receiving Christmas cards in the mail. Oh, I LOVE IT!! My favorites are the long letters including pictures. Truly, I live for it at this time of year. I've heard that some people hate reading Christmas letters, but I guess I'm weird that way....

Well, my quick break is over.

One Down

2008-12-05T18:49:00.000-08:00

One final down, four more to go....I took my Pathophysiology final on Tuesday and I felt very, very good about it. I think I only missed a few, but then I'm pretty sure I got all of the extra credit correct, so that might make up for what I missed.

Next week I have finals in Abdominal Sonography, Ultrasound Physics and Instrumentation, Cross-Sectional Anatomy and Abdominal Sonography Lab.

I'm quite nervous about my Lab final. We will given six images to scan, and fifteen minutes to do it. We will not know who we will scan ahead of time, which means no practice time on that person. I will have a teacher sitting there watching my scanning techniques, and then judging my images afterwards for their clarity, etc. I'm scared!

So, again, if you think of me, I could use your prayers!

Finals

2008-11-30T20:23:00.000-08:00

My first out of five finals is on Tuesday, the 2nd. If you think of me, say some finals week prayers!!!

Baptism

2008-11-29T20:56:00.001-08:00

Melanie decided that she wanted to be baptized at her youth service last weekend. Something like 31 kids got baptized all in one night! It was AWESOME. There were about 400 kids standing up and cheering the whole time......I was very proud of Melanie. She was baptized at about 8 years old, but she really wanted to do it again because she felt like she understands it better now, and wanted to do it to show her commitment to God. Pretty cool if you asked me....

Heaven...

2008-11-29T20:46:00.000-08:00

For the last several weeks, our pastor has been speaking on the "end times." So, on the way home from church tonight, we got to talking about Heaven. My 17-year-old, Amanda says, "So, are we going to be naked in Heaven? .......Because, that would be really awkward."

Christmas Music

2008-11-23T08:54:00.001-08:00

My family and I are crazy about Christmas. Before Halloween, there was a radio station that played Christmas music for a day. I told Amanda, and she freaked. We listened to it all day. Another radio station has been playing it everyday since November 1st. I love it, but my husband is not quite ready to get into the Christmas spirit. :) He tried to change the station yesterday! I called him a Grinch. Me? I'm ready. I like Christmas to last as LONG as possible....

We got a fake Christmas tree two years ago. That means we can put up our tree early and leave it up as long as we want. This year, we're putting it up the day after Thanksgiving - I can't wait!!

We're also going to go to a live Nativity again this year, as well as our church's Christmas Eve services (my absolute favorite).

But, back to the music....I don't know if I have a favorite Christmas song. The song "Breath of Heaven" comes to mind, as does "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire."

Are YOU listenening to Christmas music already? What's your favorite song?

Thank You Note Etiquette

2008-11-21T16:40:00.001-08:00

Etiquette Everyday ~ Communications
Being Thankful: A Thank-You Note Q&A
(From www.emilypost.com)

We all have to write thank-you notes. Take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone staring down your stack of cards and list of names. Before you start, remember that thanking people needs to be about just that: expressing thanks. So refocus, reorganize, and rethink the process. Get in touch with the sincerity of thanking people for thinking about you and sending you something—even if it’s a hot pink polyester sweater. Here at the Emily Post Institute, we’ve assembled some simple answers to the most commonly asked questions about the post-holiday thank-you note blues.

Who needs a note?

All gifts should be acknowledged with a note, unless the goodies were opened in front of the giver—then you have the chance to thank them in person. An important exception: many of an older generation expect a hand-written note. Providing them with one is an appropriate gesture of respect and consideration.

Who should write the note?

The person who received the gift should write the note. Group notes are acceptable for Aunt Patty who sent the household a group present—just ask each recipient to sign. For couples, it’s perfectly fine to split up the notes for gifts you received together. For the kids, check our section entitled “Mom, Let’s Write Thank-You Notes!”

When should thank-you notes be written?

Write your notes as soon as possible, and don’t hesitate if you feel you’re late: a late note is always better than no note at all.

Can a thank-you note be creative?

Absolutely. Incorporating photos, children’s drawings—anything at all that compliments the sentiment is appropriate. Just remember to include a short written thank-you as well.

What about e-mail?

The reality of email thank-you’s, much like email itself, is a degree of emotional distance: an email to your grandmother is simply not as personal as a note written in your own hand. So if you have a casual relationship with the gift giver and you correspond via email regularly, an email thank-you may be appropriate. For most other people, the written thank-you is your best bet for an expression of warm, heartfelt thanks. The last thing you want is for someone to be disappointed when her hand-knit scarf is acknowledged with a loud, animated e-card.

How do I make writing thank-you notes fun?

We all love getting presents and are sincerely thankful, but some of us procrastinate terribly when it’s time to write notes. One friend, bemoaning the fact that she had to write not only her notes to far-flung family and friends, but also notes for her three children and her husband, hit upon a brilliant idea.

She had a party. On a Sunday afternoon in January, she invited her husband and their kids to the kitchen table. Everything was ready: note paper, pens, pencils, crayons, envelopes, address book, stamps and lists. The smallest (ages 4 - 6) drew pictures of their gifts, and Mom and Dad added dictated captions and thank you’s. The 7-8 year olds wrote one or two sentences, practicing new writing skills. The 9-and-olders were able to work more or less independently. Meanwhile, Mom and Dad helped with spelling words and addressing, and, in the quiet moments, wrote a few notes themselves.

When everyone was finished, there was hot cider and banana bread. My friend was amazed at how successful the afternoon was. The kids were involved, the notes were done and the family had time to be together and talk about their holiday, friends and relatives. And a new family tradition was born.

If you’re on your own, break up the list. Schedule a few different days to write your notes, and each time give yourself a little something to make it interesting: music, a glass of wine, your favorite radio show, a cup of tea—perhaps even some chocolate. Take the time to yourself for writing out thank-you notes: don’t try and wedge it in between laundry, a TV show and extra work from the office. You’ll be able to think more clearly and your focus will translate to the page. Above all, try to enjoy yourself. Giving thanks shouldn’t be a chore—and doesn’t have to be if you make the effort to keep it interesting.

It's Thanksgiving again - yay

2008-11-17T15:09:00.000-08:00

I have become less fond of Thanksgiving the last ten years. First of all, me, Joe and our kids usually end up doing it alone. No big event. No warm, large, extended family gathering. We used to have them. And, sadly, we had more when we lived states away from our extended family, because we would always be invited to share the holiday with friends or families from church. I have tried to invite people over (who might not have a place to go), and create a gathering, but that has never worked out. I have tried something out of the norm, and went to Old Country Buffet. Read last year's entry about Thanksgiving, and you'll see what a fiasco THAT was.

This year, Joe's parents are still living in another state, my side of the family is somewhat estranged etc., and no one has invited us to join their extended family gathering. I thought about going and serving a meal at a homeless shelter or something. It's still a thought, but we'll probably just be alone again.

We do, however, have a Thanksgiving tradition. We go see a movie. Yes! The movie theaters are open! We have done this since the girls were very little. This year, we are going to see "Bolt." It just looks hilarious, with that little hamster in the ball who thinks he's the hero's sidekick. HAHA!
All in all, I am finding it less depressing that we are, once again, spending Thanksgiving by ourselves. I still wish that my children could experience the warmth and belonging of some of the gatherings we have shared with other church families. Not that we can't when it's just us, but it's just not the same. I think I have resolved the angst, by realizing that I may have to wait until my children are married and start having children to have the kind of family, holiday gatherings I am dreaming of. Then, I can be the Nana who cooks and does special things with the kids, and know I am providing THEM with memory of warmth and love and belonging.....

So, I'll make the full Thanksgiving spread this year for my little family. I will enjoy it, because I haven't cooked like that in awhile. I will enjoy it, because I will be off from school and I can just hang with my husband and my children. I will...

I just have to stop writing, because my kitty just put her face into my purse, and pulled out a new maxipad and started carrying it off....HAHAHAHAHA!!!

OK. I will be thankful because I have a God as my Father who loves me with an everlasting love, and has given me a healthy, loving husband and healthy, great kids. (And, a weird cat)

SO - what are you doing for Thanksgiving? Or, what do you WISH you were doing for Thanksgiving (hee hee)??

New Favorite Thing

2008-11-16T17:40:00.000-08:00

My new favorite thing:

Brown Sugar Liplicious lip gloss from Bath and Body Works

It gives a hint of color and lots of long-lasting gloss. It even tastes good. :)

Blessed Assurance

2008-11-15T08:42:00.000-08:00

Amanda and Joe flew to Whitworth University, so Amanda could spend the night in a dorm with one of her friends as well as attend classes. Amanda also got the opportunity to meet with the director of music and receive a private lesson. Then, she and Joe hooked up for a campus tour, and meeting with an advisor from the education department. She received some great advice, and is now probably going to move in a direction that is different than originally thought. However, she feels that God has led her in this direction! We will have to see how the Lord's path for her unfolds! Exciting stuff, though. I'm so amazed and intrigued by the choices and interests of my kids - so different from mine. I am loving to see how God is moving in their lives as they are getting older, and making adult choices. I am now feeling that, as a parent, I am fading into the background of their lives a bit (or at least Amanda's), watching them become this autonomous, God-led person. I wonder at the awesomeness of releasing my child into His hands completely, the majority of my job as a mom and daily caretaker almost complete. But, what a confidence I hold in my heart, knowing the strength of her relationship with God and Who will be in charge of her daily care from the day she leaves our home. Blessed assurance......

Today, our family is off to the funeral of a little baby. Our good friend from high school and his wife were blessed with their sweet baby, Josie, the beginning of October. She was born with a chromosomal abornomality, that was discovered at their 30-week ultrasound. Josie lived 23 days, and today we drive 2.5 hours to celebrate her life with our friends. Our children all wanted to attend with us, and cancelled their activities to come. I'm so proud of them. It will be a celebration, knowing Josie is perfect and playing in Heaven. Blessed assurance.....

Blessed assurance
Jesus is Mine
Oh what a foretaste
Of Glory Divine
Heir of Salvation
Purchased of blood
Born of His Spirit
Washed In His Blood
This is My Story
This Is My Song
Praising My Savior
All The Day Long
This is My Story
This is My Song
Praising My Savior
All The Day Long!!

*I wrote that from memory! I must have sung that a lot as a kid....:)

Confirmations

2008-11-09T09:15:00.001-08:00

A couple of weeks ago, I had a meltdown moment. My husband must have sat with me for over a half hour while I cried. I was feeling stressed about my future clinical assignment, and worried over how far away they will send me - wondering if God would really look out for me and not allow me to be sent to Vancouver (one of the locations). I thought that, because what I'm doing doesn't have any "eternal significance" it must not matter to God - whether I succeed or fail, where I'm sent, etc., isn't important to Him in the grand scheme of things......

My husband said that he didn't think that God had brought me this far, to allow something that would make it a hardship on me and our family. I said, that I didn't think God cared about it, because it was my choice to enter the program, and maybe He's just allowing me to do it......

I didn't wholeheartedly agree with myself, even as I spoke the words, but I guess I was having doubts that what I was doing was OK with God. Since ultrasound is a secular job, I had some faulty thinking about it not having "eternal significance." All in all, in a moment of meltdown, I suppose I revealed some inner doubts and thoughts that were bubbling up from the recesses of my heart.

As I spoke, the Lord clearly directed me to read the book of Ruth. The next morning, I read the jewel of this little book of the Bible. I won't go into detail explaining the book of Ruth (go read it - it's good!), but I will say the lesson God wanted to teach me in it. He wanted me to see how He was involved and interested in the details of Ruth's life - providing a field for her to gather grain, directing her to just the right field, where He actually provided her future husband. NOTHING WAS COINCIDENCE. There. Stamped on my heart. Thanks, Lord.

I also listen to Christian radio (KGNW) on my drive to school. I have come to love listening to Allister Begg (sp?), a Scottish pastor. He is so dear. Anyway, God used him to speak to my heart again about how I, and the details of my life, are God's personal concern. Allister made a statement: "The presence of anxiety shows us the absence of humility." Conviction. Thanks, Lord. My steps are ordered of God, nothing is coincidence or random, my life is ever in front of his face. Thank you, Lord.

As it usually happens with me, God used our pastor to confirm His word to me again. Our pastor is speaking on the "end times," and the first message spoke of God's plans and how He has ordered time from the beginning to the end. Jeremiah 29:11 came up, which is one of my favorite verses. Thanks, Lord.

When God speaks to me in these ways, confirming His Word so beautifully, it's like a stamp in concrete on my heart. I will no longer doubt that my steps are not ordered of God. I remembered that I prayed, even before I started the process to this ultrasound program, that He would shut the door if it was not His best for me and my family. He didn't. In fact, He has given me great success. If He shuts the door down the line, I will accept it, because I trust Him. However, I believe that since He opened this door, and continues to give me success, I will trust that He will continue to provide for me and my family during this process to it's completion. Whether my occupation is in the secular world or in ministry, the Lord will use me for His glory. After all, there are people who do not know Him everywhere. A ministry occupation is no more of a "godly endeavor" than being salt and light in the secular workplace.

Sometimes I "know" things in my head, but even though they're there, what I "know" in the deep places of my heart don't match. I absolutely love it when God speaks to me and connects the two. I'm so solid in my "head beliefs" I didn't even realize there was this mismatch, but He is so good to see that and fix it. Today, I'm thankful for His reasssurance of His love for me and reminder of His plans for my life.

THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES.

More Grades

2008-11-05T18:33:00.000-08:00

Drumroll please...

Cross-Sectional Anatomy Midterm: 103 out of 100

Physics Midterm: 94 out of 100

Thank you, Lord! All credit to You! :)

Christmas Shopping

2008-11-03T17:59:00.000-08:00

Did you know that there are only SEVEN weekends left to shop for Christmas?!! It sounds weird when it's put THAT way, huh?!

I cannot advertise my website on my blog, but I am a personal sales rep for a cosmetics and gift company that starts with an "A." If you are interested in doing some online shopping, please email me through this blog, and I will give you the address. I've already done some online Christmas shopping there myself!

I also found a cool site with neat, educational toys at www.mindware.com. Whaddaya know - I also did some online shopping there!

I LOVE shopping online, don't you?! It's so convenient, and you don't have to leave the house! One year, I did a lot of shopping at Overstock.com. During this time of year, they have a lot of free shipping deals. You can find ANYTHING there!

What was YOUR last online purchase?

Costume Concert and Homecoming #2

2008-11-02T20:50:00.000-08:00

Amanda had a youth symphony fundraiser concert last weekend, where the symphony played movie music and dressed in costumes. It was REALLY fun! Here's pics of our family outside of the theater.

Melanie went to a Homecoming dance at another high school last weekend, since one of her best friends attends there.....They went with a big group to the dance and Denny's afterwards.....

Whew

2008-11-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I took my last midterm of the week and our instructor let us all go home afterwards - YES!! I called up my husband (who was doing laundry) and asked him to go out to lunch! We had a wonderful lunch at Olive Garden - soup and salad, my favorite.....Throughout lunch, I could feel myself physically, mentally and emotionally decompressing. I have never worked so hard (in all three aforementioned ways) in my LIFE during last several weeks. Whew. They are driving us so hard.

Basically, all I've been doing when I get home from classes in the afternoon is study. I try to make dinners because we ate out way too much last year when I was in school. I like the cooking time to get a little break from studying, but right after dinner, I'm right back at it. My husband has really been stepping up and taking over the majority of the household chores and looking after the kids' stuff. It's such a great relief to know that, during this season of my life, my husband is supporting me and taking over those things I typically do, so that I don't have to worry. I think he has appreciated how I have supported him through all of his endeavors throughout our marriage (Navy stuff, his bachelor degree) and now he can see me through this short season in my life while I pursue something I want to do.

So far, I have received two midterm scores back. On one I received an 84% and the other a 99%!! YES! The 84% score is good compared to the class - this class was Pathophysiology, and is taught by a retired Radiologist who has never taught a class before. Needless to say, this was a difficult class to know what to study. The whole class has struggled and complained quite a bit about it. So, the fact that I passed (below 79% is NOT passing in our program), is a miracle! The 99% score just makes me feel AWESOME. I felt really confident when I left that exam, and seeing the confirmation is a GREAT feeling. All glory and credit to God.....

Tomorrow, I enter another half of the quarter, and am feeling like I am climbing into another roller coaster, pulling down the safety bar and gripping the rubber handle for dear life......

Cartoon

2008-10-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

I'm On My Way...

2008-10-17T22:49:00.000-07:00

I'm on my way to bed, but I had to stop and read my favorite blogs, and type a little on mine.

I'm on my way to a midterm next week on Tuesday in Pathophysiology.

I'm on my way to four MORE midterms everyday the week after next (except Monday).

I'm on my way to having fresh, steam-cleaned carpets come Saturday morning.

I'm on my way to having a toothless dog, since he had nine teeth pulled yesterday due to nasty cavities, and bad periodontal disease.

I'm on my way to sending my oldest daughter to college soon, which is evident by her taking her SAT a couple of weeks ago and planning a trip to Whitworth for a visit.

I'm on my way to Krispy Kreme tomorrow to buy Ben his promised donuts for reading two chapter books.

I'm on my way to gymnastics season, as Melanie went to the informational meeting to kick everything off.

I'm on my way to bed now, because I finished some homework and it's almost 11:00 PM.

School, Pumpkin Patch and Homecoming

2008-10-11T20:33:00.000-07:00

I posted the two previous videos, because they make me laugh so much. I went back to them for another laugh yesterday to relieve a little stress. Laughter is so great for that, isn't it?

I can't take much time away from studying, but I will say that "sonography school" is still intense. I can literally feel my brain forming new brain cells as I ponder the physics of sound waves and try to find my classmate's gallbladder, etc. I am holding on to A's in each class - did I mention I'm taking 18 credits? Yeah. Four classes (one of which has a one-hour lab twice a week) plus a four-hour lab once a week.

Next week is week FOUR, and we have already covered the liver and gallbladder as far as anatomy/physiology, sonographic appearance and pathologies. Then, we practice, practice, practice finding these organs (and others) on our classmates. We have a 50 point assignment of 10 things we must image, and make a powerpoint slideshow out of it. Our four-hour lab time is not enough time to do this assignment, so we must come in to the class on our "off-time" to scan people and obtain these images. Just another thing to do. I feel like a new thing gets added on to our already big list each week. As demanding as it is, I love it. I love studying this stuff (well, maybe not the Physics so much). It fascinates me.

Joe and I took Ben to the pumpkin patch when I got home yesterday afternoon. It was a great break from my studies, and special for Ben. We reminisced about our past visits to this particular farm, and I realized that I've been taking him there since his first Halloween when he was barely walking.

I have pictures of our girls in front of this when they were this age and younger....

Ahhhh...the sawdust pile. What could be more fun than flipping out the front of a plastic boat pushed by your dad? Good times...good times.....Actually, there was this one family who wouldn't let their kids ride the toys down the sawdust pile. They were afraid they would fall. I turned to Joe and whispered, "Isn't that the point?" Our son went home proudly covered in sawdust.

Ben on the tractor.

Amanda went to her last Homecoming dance tonight. Her friend, Brett, came up from college to go with her and a group of others. (Melanie decided that she wants to go to another high school's Homecoming, since most of her friends from junior high go there). Don't Amanda and Brett look so cute?! We had to curl Amanda's hair TWICE. Her hair just didn't want to hold the curls, even from hot rollers. I'm sure there will hardly be any curl left by the time she gets home.....

Amanda and her group of friends went to the "Iron Chef" for dinner. It's an Asian restaurant, where the chefs cook all of the food right in front of you, and they do all this fancy tossing and flame-throwing. I've heard it's really fun and you get a lot of great food!

OUCH!!

2008-10-11T10:40:00.001-07:00

Funny Kid

2008-10-09T11:52:00.000-07:00

Short Sighted?

2008-09-28T20:37:00.002-07:00

Before beginning our ultrasound program, one of my fellow sonography students had attended one of the program's informational meetings. At the meeting, each person had to state their reason for wanting to become a sonographer. My fellow student explained that one interested woman at the meeting, said that she wanted to become a sonographer because she wanted to volunteer at a pro-life clinic (I'm assuming it is one of the Christian based crisis pregnancy centers located all over the country).

Anyway, my fellow student made a judgment about this woman and said, "Isn't that incredibly short-sighted?"

I immediately thought: "No, that's incredibly eternally-minded."

Mens Fraternity II

2008-09-28T10:20:00.000-07:00

I had my latte and oatmeal, watched the end of "While You Were Sleeping," and now I gotta go study. Before I do, I have to say that I'm so proud of my husband for joining the second round of Men's Fraternity at our church. The title of this season is "Succeeding at Home and at Work." For those of you who don't know about Men's Fraternity (click on my sidebar to see more), it is a Christian series of weekly messages and small group work, going deep into what it means to be an authentic, godly man. And, they go deep. Last season was learning about what God says about authentic manhood and delving into past wounds that keep them from being an authentic man. This season will be some more of the same, but emphasis on other aspects of manhood. My husband will be heading down to church at 6:00 AM on Thursday mornings for the next few months or so. Good stuff!! Another cool thing, is that I don't have morning classes on Thursdays - thanks for working that out, Lord! :)

First Week

2008-09-26T16:57:00.000-07:00

This week was the first real week of my sonography program. Needless to say, I won't have much time for blogging. I might try to write once a week. My brain is so tired from the intense concentration I must exert everyday, and it would be so hard to explain all that I have absorbed, but I will try to share about the experience (maybe so I can look back and appreciate it).....

I am scanning my classmates already.

I found a liver, kidney, aorta, gallbladder, and inferior vena cava all by myself.

I haven't done anything or lacked to do anything that has resulted in me being terminated from the program (a daily fear of all of the students).

I have five classes, two of them labs. One lab is over four hours long.

I found out that there were 50 people who applied to the program. 18 of us got in.

Our class is all women.

I am the 2nd oldest. The oldest is almost 40. The youngest is 21.

I have amazing, excellent instructors.

A HUGE challenge so far is learning the direction of what you're scanning, and how it translates to the screen. We go over and over and over and over and over and over it........

I have learned that while sonographers are not technically supposed to "diagnose," it is the sonographer who directs the radiologist toward the diagnosis, and in some cases, the radiologist makes their diagnosis based solely on what the sonographer says or the pictures they show them. Sonographers have a HUGE responsibility, and thus, must really know their stuff.

I am feeling good so far, because I have not lost any points on any homework or labs.

The last couple of days, I have driven home and cried due to the intense concentration I have to exert in class. Because this is going to be my future job, and I don't want to fail the program, I have to make sure that nothing gets by that I don't fully comprehend. It's tiring. On the other hand, it's incredibly fulfilling.

The program chair just got word that they have been accredited by the ARDMS (sonography organization), which means our class of students can take our registry exams immediately after graduation. Without accreditation, we would have had to work for one year before we could sit for the exams. This is HUGE for our future employment, and for the program.

I am going to love this job someday. It fits me. I thank God for opening this door for me and empowering my success. All credit to Him!

My New Favorite Sandwich

2008-09-17T15:51:00.000-07:00

When I have excellent food, it is impressed on my memory. I do not forget awesome food. Sometimes I will just think about some memorable food, and re-experience it all over again (without eating it, of course). I enjoy the experience of eating, which means I eat slowly (which some people find the need to bring to my attention. I already know this, however, and I am proud of it - so there) :)

My favorite food is Italian. The other day, Joe and I went on a lunch date to a great little, authentic Italian cafe in Sumner. It's called Sorci's. It was sunny, so we even ate outside. This is a luxury in and of itself in our part of the country! My delicious sandwich was a grilled panini. It had three slices of tomato, big slices of mozarella and pesto spread on each piece of bread. This is my new favorite sandwich.

I will think about this sandwich for awhile.....

School Lunch

2008-09-16T10:42:00.000-07:00

I usually make my kids' lunches for school. Once in awhile, Ben likes to buy lunch. Last week, he actually used his own money. He brought $5, and bought one lunch. The lunch lady said she would put the rest in his "lunch account," (something the district does). She told him he had about $3.15 left.

Yesterday, Ben wanted to buy lunch with his remaining money. However, when he got to the cashier, she said he only had 29 cents. They gave him a granola bar and a milk. He cried, and asked his teacher if he could call me to bring him a lunch. His teacher said "no."

When Ben got off the bus yesterday, he started to cry, said how hungry he was, and relayed the aforementioned story to me.

I WAS TICKED!!

I called the school, which directed me to the food services office. The lady there, looked things up on her computer, and basically said, "I dont' know what to say." They didn't have record of his $5 deposit.

SO - I called his teacher to let her know about the mix-up with his money. I also asked her why Ben was not allowed to call me. Her response was that it was 12:00, and she had to move on to the next subject at 12:20, implying that there would not be enough time for me to bring him something to eat. It was her opinion that a granola bar and milk is enough to tide them over for the afternoon. I let her know that I live very close to the school, and I could have brought him his lunch. I also let her know that not having his lunch affected his day in a negative way. She said "I apologize, and I will make a note that you don't live far from the school and you can bring him a lunch."

I was angry for hours about this. First of all, why in the world would a teacher not allow a child to call home to get their lunch??!! Is their agenda SO important, that a kid can't be finishing their lunch during her "program?" I'm sure that if he was finishing up his lunch at his desk, it wouldn't be THAT distracting!! Isn't school supposed to be about educating children, and didn't this interrupt my child's education for the rest of the day?! Did she not consider that the last time my son probably ate was around 7 or 8 in the morning?!! Did she not care about his tears?!!

I told my son, that if this ever happens again, that he has my permission to get a bathroom pass and head to the office and call me.

RIDICULOUS!!!

Circle

2008-09-14T09:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes our "no's" and decisions to set limits, make other people unhappy. However, the more I learn and the older I get, it ceases to be quite as bothersome to me.

Recently, I heard a speaker talking about perspectives. She had everyone stand in a circle. She put on a funny mask, and held up a picture of something. Without turning her body, she pointed to different people around the circle, and asked them what they saw. Each person had a different answer. Each one saw things from a different point of view.

Huh.

I think that, when people are unhappy with our "no's" and limits, it shows that they are unwilling to respect our decision, which was based on a different point of view than theirs. I can understand that they are unhappy with me since they are coming from a different place in that "circle," but it still doesn't change my decision.

It's unfortunate when we are unwilling to seek to understand (or even try to imagine) someone else's point of view, then refuse to discuss our negative feelings about it and work things out with someone. Besides, there are a million reasons why someone would choose to do or not do something. And, I bet that most of the time, there is no ill intent. I also don't think we should expect that the things that are important to me, should be just as important to you. And, vice versa.

Otherwise, it's people-pleasing. And, I'm so done with that.

Could I Be Experiencing Ministry Burnout?

2008-09-13T22:48:00.000-07:00

The following is an article by Kim Wenzel, leader of Smoldering Wick Ministries (see sidebar), a ministry for wounded and burned out pastors and lay leaders...

Stress, then Burnout

It seems to me so many in the church do not understand spiritual burnout. The helping professions have always had a higher burnout rate than many other types of careers. Social workers, counselors, therapists, psychologists, and other social reform positions have scored high in burnout in the past several decades.
It the past 20 years burnout and rising drug and alcohol abuse has skyrocketed in doctors, lawyers and members of the clergy. This disturbing trend also includes suicide. In fact, I am writing this article just two weeks after the suicide of one of Colorado Springs' most loved pediatricians. A man who gave so much to the community, he had nothing left.

Some doctors claim stress contributes to 90% of all diseases. Even if this figure is exaggerated a tad, we all know stress plays a major factor in our life that isn't good. Good stress we need, yes indeed, but with clergy burnout rates climbing to 1,500 a month, there is a lot of bad stress in the church and in the mind and heart of the ministry leader.

In this article let's look at the main differences between stress and burnout.Stress can be characterized by over-engagement. Running around putting out every brush fire in the congregation, making every decision, and trying to solve every problem. "Fixers" are notorious for over-engagement.

Burnout is characterized by disengagement. The ministry leader has become disillusioned and exhausted. He/she no longer desires to "fix" anyone or anything. Mild burnout causes pastors to look the other way and pretend that problem doesn't exist in the congregation. (There are millions of ministry leaders in this category. These leaders need to be reassured that looking the other way isn't always a bad thing. The leader doesn't have to be the savior - that's Jesus' job. It is his church, he is the administrator, the guide, the high priest, the word, the bread, the life. Left alone by the pastor, Jesus has been known on occasion to fix a problem all by himself!) Full burnout is a case of extreme compassion fatigue and leads to resignation and extremes of escapism that can be destructive.

Stress - the emotions can be over-reactive. Sudden outbursts of temper, or outbursts of weeping. In burnout the emotions become crippled. The ministry leader sits and stares out the window for extended periods of time. There is little reaction to good or bad news. The compassion drive to help others dies. In spiritual burnout, the emotion-links to the spirit are damaged, and spiritual underpinnings are slowly replaced with growing frustration that can manifest toward man and God.

In Stress, the main damage is to the physical body. Ulcers, headaches, high blood pressure, etc. With burnout, motivation and drive are afflicted. Again, this isn't always bad. The burnout victim needs to learn to "rest" in Jesus. He/she has burned-out from trying to do all things all the time, and build the world's greatest church all by themselves. Stress creates physical exhaustion which also is a good thing for the "type A" world saver. They also need to rest in the Lord Surveys show us that some of the most successful pastors in North America spend precious little time with their mates or children.

Burnout creates demoralization. You reach a point where you believe your are no longer effective as a pastor, worship leader, etc. What's the use? No matter what I do it's never good enough. Nobody benefits from my ministry. Nothing ever changes. Many people hate my guts.

Stress is often understood in terms of loss of fuel and energy. Burnout is the loss of ideals and hope. This can rapidly lead to detachment, or pulling away from others, and defeatism - the feeling you're beaten and everyone, even God doesn't seem to be on your side anymore.

Depression can occur with both stress and burnout. Depression created by stress is often the body's response to protect itself and conserve energy. The depression associated with burnout is grief created by the loss of ideals and hope (this was the depression Elijah felt after Mt. Carmel failed to instantly change the entire nation back to Yahwah worship and catapult him into super status as the greatest revivalist in history). With this grief/depression comes a sense of helplessness piled on top the hopelessness. At this point one of two things usually happens to the wounded ministry leader. He/she may become very combative, like a wounded animal backed into a corner, striking out verbally at every threat real or imagined. Or, they may simply disappear. I would love to know the statistics on the number of former pastors in North America that have totally dropped out of organized religion. It seems every week I hear of or talk to another pastor who tried to move on to attend in another denomination, and did so for a year or two, then quietly disappeared into the misty dark night of uninvolvement.

While stress can produce panic, and anxiety disorders, burnout can produce paranoia. It is our belief at Smoldering Wick, that certain levels of paranoia definitely contribute to the high number of drop-outs among clergy and lay-members alike.
The above are some of the differences between stress and burnout. High stress is often a contributing factor leading to burnout, but stress is by no means the main cause. Not understanding the very core of God's heart and living in the light of that understanding is the main cause of spiritual burnout. From this lack of understanding come the subtle twists and perversions of the Gospel itself, and all the unrealistic expectations that break the spirit of so many sincere Christians. What is needed for healing is to come to know the very heart of God correctly - probably for the first time - and not swallowing any more gospels that seem to promise everything in this life.

The Week

2008-09-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

This week has been full. I have felt like I've been in a cloud, being led along by somebody else. LOTS of information, and LOTS of boring training. It started out with a full day of being scared out of my pants at all of the hard work I'm in for, not to mention all of the rules and stipulations that could mean "termination from the program," etc.....I am in a class of 18, and I feel like I am surrounded by some quality people. It's going to be great....I also learned that our clinicals are chosen for us, and not based on where we live. This means that there is a possibility we might have to commute up to 2 hours each way. Our clinicals start Spring Quarter and then our whole second year is completely clinicals.

I had a SEVEN HOUR day of boring HIV/AIDS training. My rear end was ACHING from sitting so long. And, afterwards, I was so creeped out, that all I wanted to do was keeping putting on hand sanitizer.

I had another half day of HIPAA training (privacy laws) followed by a talk given by one of the counselors. She talked about communication skills and the stages that our classroom will go through (forming, storming, norming, etc.).

On Thursday, we were supposed to be at the school from 8 to 4, but our CPR class ended up only being an hour and a half, and we got to go home!! It was a nice surprise. It was a big adjustment being gone all day, and managing the family. But, when I got home, my husband was deep cleaning my kitchen as well as dusting and vacuuming the whole house. It was a great help indeed!

I'm trying to stay really organized with a "week-at-a-glance" calendar for our fridge that I typed up for everybody. I also make lunches the night before, as well as set things out that we will need the next day. I also am committed to cooking dinner by 5:00, so we can get that out of the way for any evening activities, and we're less prone to order pizza or eat out. Once I start studying, I'm sure we'll have to eat out a little more, but I'm going to try hard to cook. I went through all of my cookbooks for easy meals, and made menus good for a whole month. Then, I split it up into two week blocks, and made shopping lists for each two week block. Every two weeks, I will do a big Wal-Mart run, and all I have to do is print out my list! I'll still have to visit the store every week to get milk and fresh fruit, but no big shopping. I'm even going to see if I can get Joe to try out some cooking!

I start my actual classes on the 22nd, so it's nice to have a little breather before the hard work begins. It's also nice, because our weather has been so AWESOMELY warm and sunny!!

It's Here

2008-09-05T18:45:00.001-07:00

It's here. On Monday, I start the Diagnostic Medical Sonography program.

I am getting nervous. Nervous about the amount of studying there will be. Nervous if I can handle it. Nervous if I'll be able to be as good at this job as I want to be. Nervous if I can get the financial aid/loans to pay for everything. Nervous about the effects of my schooling on my family life. Nervous about the people I'm going to spend the next two years with.

On the other hand, I'm getting excited. Excited to learn about the human body and pathologies. Excited at the prospect of becoming a valuable member of a medical team and helping people. Excited for the sense of accomplishment I already have for getting this far, and for how great I know I'm going to feel when I finish. Excited to have an education under my belt, that will allow me to earn a meaningful income for my family. Excited about the people I'm going to spend the next two years with. Excited to wear scrubs! :)

It's here.

Meet the Teacher Day

2008-09-02T21:10:00.000-07:00

Today was "Meet the Teacher Day" at Ben's school - the day before the first day. I always enjoy observing Ben in new situations. I might venture to say he is a "slow to warm up" kind of guy. He grasped my hand tightly as we walked into his new classroom. I could tell he was a little tense. I could really tell, when he was given a list of instructions created by the teachers. It was sort of a checklist, with things to do, such as "put away your school supplies in your desk," and go check out some things in the room, etc. Ben was taking a VERY long time to accomplish this, plus he wasn't understanding everything he was reading, and seemed flustered. It was unusual for him to be this way, but I think he had anticipated this day for a couple of days now and the excitement was too much. Plus, old friends kept coming into the room and distracting him because he wanted to talk with them. His teacher commented that he was taking awhile to finish his checklist. And, it seemed like she jotted something down when he did finish. I thought, "Dang! I hope this wasn't some kind of assessment, because this isn't usually how Ben behaves."

Afterwards, Ben was quite intent on visiting his old, first grade classroom. He repeated several times that he wanted to go there. When he peeked in, there was a new teacher in there and a whole new setup. I could see that this was curious to him, possibly even bothered him. On the way home, I asked him if he was sad Mrs. Kirk wasn't there. He half-heartedly said "no." I asked him if he expected to see Mrs. Kirk when he looked in the classroom. He said softly, "yes." I knew it. I think he wanted everything to be the same, even though he was starting second grade. He thought for awhile and said something like, "I think that second grade is pretty much going to be a lot like first grade." I think he was dealing with the change internally, weighing everything out and figured out that it's going to be OK.

I love that.